Marriage and Intimacy Tips for Christian Couples: Secrets of Happily Ever After

Debunking Bad Marriage Advice with My Son and Daughter-In-Law Jake and Livvy

• Monica Tanner - Marriage and Intimacy Coach for Christian Couples, Jake Tanner, Livvy Tanner • Season 4 • Episode 342

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Today's interview is with my oldest son, Jake and his new wife, Livvy to chat about the new book I wrote for them and unpack five of the most common myths that sabotage new marriages and trade them for simple habits that build trust, respect and joy. Thinks we talk about in the episode are:

• faith first, spouse second as good advice from Livvy's Dad
• seeing parents model affection, repair and service
• differentiation over “you complete me”
• mind reading myths versus clear, simple requests
• growth includes discomfort and honest repair
• why happy couples do fight and how to do it well
• address small stuff early to prevent resentment
• learning together through books and shared language
• teamwork during stressful seasons and daily service
• date night as a sacred ritual for connection

If you’re newly engaged, early in marriage, or simply ready to trade fairytales for a stronger relationship, this one’s for you. Listen, share with a partner, and tell us: which myth are you ready to replace? If you enjoyed this conversation, you'll definately love my new book - Bad Marriage Advice: Debunking Myths That Will Make You Miserable and What To Do Instead. It's available October 1st on Amazon. Go to www.badmarriageadvice.com to get the book!


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SPEAKER_01:

Hello and welcome to the Secrets of Happily Ever After podcast. I'm your host, Monica Tanner, and today I have a really, really special treat. Not only do I have guests, but they are my oldest son Jake and his beautiful wife, Livy. I am so, so, so excited to have them on the podcast today. Basically because tomorrow, bad marriage advice, debunking myths that will make you miserable and what to do instead launches out into the world. And I wrote this book for these two and for anyone else who wants to make their marriage amazing. And so I thought it would be really, really, really fun on the eve of the big launch to bring them in, to ask them questions, to find out their thoughts about being newly married, what they thought of the book, and all kinds of other fun and interesting questions. So consider this an interview of a mom and her son and daughter-in-law. So welcome to the podcast, Jake and Livy. How are you guys doing?

SPEAKER_02:

Good, great to be here. It's kind of fun. I had a podcast forever ago, and now I'm finally getting to have my own podcast.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right. That's right. If you really want a good laugh, you can go listen to my six-year-old son Ike on the podcast many, many, many years ago. He has some pretty good episodes. So, Jake, I'm loving your t-shirt. Can you tell us what it says?

SPEAKER_02:

I forgot I was wearing this. This is pretty fitting for the podcast. Happiest fresh made husband on earth.

SPEAKER_01:

What does that mean, fresh made?

SPEAKER_02:

It's cosmic. Well, the fresh made part, when Livy ordered the shirt, it didn't have that on it. But fresh made, like newlywed, I'm guessing.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, let's go with that.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, but when Livy asked me, well, I can't remember. Something about being the best husband in the world, and I said, Well, I might not be the best, but I sure am the happiest husband in the world. So then she got me this for my birthday.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, I love it. And it's pink. That's so fitting because pink is Livy's favorite color, right?

SPEAKER_02:

And my shock say, I love my wife.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my gosh, you are so ducked out. This is fantastic.

SPEAKER_02:

It's my Sunday fit.

SPEAKER_00:

I love it. So that just makes me really happy. All right.

SPEAKER_01:

So let's introduce you guys to the listeners a little bit. How did you guys meet?

SPEAKER_03:

We met on our missions. So a couple years ago, we at least knew of each other while we were on our missions. We only talked a couple times. But after getting home, we kind of reconnected at a mission reunion. So since then we became friends and then started dating. And yep, it's been a long but short amount of time.

SPEAKER_02:

When we first saw each other after the mission, she had a boyfriend, and so nothing really could happen there. But then she broke up with a boyfriend and invited a bunch of missionaries from our mission to her house for like a scripture study game night. And there we just became really good friends, and then I needed someone to take me to the airport at 3 a.m. in the morning. So I texted a group chat with that just so happened to have Livy in it, hoping she would respond. And she did after no one else responded. No one wanted to take me. So I think she pitied me and took me.

SPEAKER_03:

That one actually was pity, but that was hard to like you.

SPEAKER_02:

And then when I got back from my trip, I texted her. I was like, Well, I have to thank you for taking me to the airport at 3 a.m. So then we went out for breakfast. She invited me to her classes. I went to her classes because I liked her. We watched a movie that night, hung out the next day. It was Halloween, hung out the whole day, and then yeah, just started dating a couple days after that.

SPEAKER_03:

So I didn't realize the airport thing was so important to you. He always tells the story about the airport when people ask us. So it must have been pretty important.

SPEAKER_01:

It's a pretty good test if you're willing to wake up at three in the morning and take him to the airport. That's yeah, I guess.

SPEAKER_02:

And at 3 a.m. in the morning, it looked like she looked or 6 p.m. in the afternoon. It was like I was actually baffled. Like it was 3 a.m. I looked like probably a pudgy chipmunk, and she looked like she had gotten ready for the day, and she hadn't, she had just put on a poncho and gotten the car.

SPEAKER_03:

I might have been sleeping in the poncho.

SPEAKER_02:

She looked very pretty and it was so early in the morning. So that was also cool enough.

SPEAKER_00:

I love that.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, you two did fall very, very fast, which is fine. And I joke that you weren't even engaged long enough for me to publish the book because now you've been married for how long? Almost five months.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, almost five.

SPEAKER_01:

We're getting close. Okay, that's so awesome. Really close. So let's go back to when you guys decided you wanted to get married and you announced it to the world. Did you get any advice from anyone?

SPEAKER_02:

That's a good question because at first we didn't think we got that much advice, but then I realized that because you said we were gonna get a lot of bad advice, I kind of blocked out a lot of the advice. But then going through my memories, we actually, yeah, we did get a pretty good amount of advice. We did get a lot of the classics, like don't go to bed angry. I think I probably got a little bit more advice than it's I think Liv everyone thought Libby was gonna be a professional. So she doesn't remember a ton of the advice she got. Um, but personally I got don't go to bed angry, happy wife, happy life was another big one I got. And then I think it was jokingly, but he said bottle up your emotions and yeah, kind of keep to yourself. But I think those were three that I got. I think the last one was more of a joke, but definitely advice that I got.

SPEAKER_01:

There's truth in everything people say. So, what advice has proven to be good advice so far? Did anyone give you good advice?

SPEAKER_03:

You need to search back in my brain.

SPEAKER_02:

Most mom, honestly, most of the good advice I remember is from you.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, definitely lost from you. My dad and mom. I remember my dad talking about this a lot growing up, and especially before we got married, and I know he talked to Jake about it when he asked permission or whatever the permission is. My dad always says that if you have God first, your spouse second, that your marriage is gonna be very happy and lasting. Having your priorities straight is very, very important. And that's proven to be very true to me. I mean, we've only been married a couple months, but I can tell that as long as I'm working hardest to be obedient and keep God as the center point of my life. And if Jake is doing the same thing, then we're gonna have a happy home surrounded or surrounding Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_01:

I love that. I love that advice. I think that's awesome. That sounds definitely probably the most to me. Okay, something that's really cool and not super common is that you guys both have parents that are happily married to each other for you know your entire lives. And so I did kind of want to ask what kinds of things did you learn, maybe growing up, watching your parents, or impressions that you had from your parents, or anything like that?

SPEAKER_02:

That's a great question. One of the things that I remember a lot is I don't know if this was on purpose or not, but I feel like you guys didn't really try to hide a lot from us. Like all the romantic things you did were in front of us. Like we definitely saw you guys kissing, we definitely saw you guys like goofing around, but we also saw you guys have disagreements in front of us and everything like that. And I feel like that was very healthy seeing you guys work through those things, but also showing the more romantic side, like not being afraid to show that in front of your kids too, is something that I want to do with our kids too. Yeah, just as a good I feel like it's really healthy.

SPEAKER_03:

That's awesome. I think both of my parents have taught me over the years what a life full of service looks like. I can tell that they'll both they do both work hard for each other every day. It's like all they do. But also besides that, not only are they serving each other and serving us every day, but especially from my dad, I've seen a lot of okay, I'm a really big priority to my dad, but my mom's a bigger priority than any of us. Which I think is good. You have to be true to each other even more than to your kids because having a successful marriage relationship is so important for kids to see. So I like that. Date night to my dad is more important than taking one of the kids out on a date, right? Even though obviously you need to spend time with your kids as well. But that's something that's impressed me through the years.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, definitely seeing date nights a lot from you guys too. Date night is sacred date night, and we try to make date night sacred for for us too. I know we're in the beginning, we don't have a ton of kids to take care of, but um, we still try to do that weekly too.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, I love that. It's not often you get to hear from your adult married kids their they gleaned or their impressions from your own marriage. So I I love all of that. Like that makes me so happy that you guys picked up on those things that are important, right? Like dad and I always strive to show you like a very clear picture of what a real marriage is like. We yeah, you're right. We didn't try to hide things from you. We wanted to show you the good parts and the tough parts because you're gonna encounter both. So I love that. And I love that, Livvy, that your parents serve and put each other before the kids. I just barely talked about that on social media, how important it is to, but I remember when I first somebody first told me that, and I thought that was really bad advice because I wasn't married yet. And I was like, no way, kids will need me, and you know, my spouse can take care of themselves. And why would I ever put my spouse before the kids, right? And then I got married and started, you know, studying marriage, and I thought, oh, yeah, that is really important because you actually do your kids a huge disservice if they are a bigger priority than your spouse. So, but that was a hard lesson to learn, and definitely one of those things that I love that was modeled for you. So yeah, kudos to kudos to the parents of these kids. I think you guys are super set. Um, my next question is like, did anything surprise you about being married? Like, did you think of something one way? And now that you've been married for a little while, you're like, whoa, that was surprising.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I definitely think there's been a fair amount of things like that. Um, I feel like it's been pretty humbling, if I'm being like completely honest. A lot of things that I thought I was good at or considered myself good at, like, have not, I mean, they've proven true, but not really. Like, this isn't like being mean at all. But like, my patience has definitely been tested more. And I thought I was good, like, I thought I was really good at communicating my feelings. But when I care so much about a person, it's definitely like feelings get hurt easier. Like, I didn't actually think I got my feelings hurt very easily. Like, I thought I was pretty thick skinned, but feelings get hurt a lot easier when I care so much about that person, and sometimes it's harder to express certain feelings and why they make me feel that way because I'm experiencing feelings that I've never experienced because I so it arouses a lot of feelings that I didn't have before, and I'm not as good as I thought at managing those feelings, so that's definitely been humbling, but yeah, learning how to communicate those has been a huge thing that I've been personally working on a lot that I didn't think I would have a problem with.

SPEAKER_03:

That's cool. I think at this point right now, the things that surprised me the most is that I feel like we've been married for so long. Like I feel like it's been forever, and I feel like a totally different person than when we were dating, which is super weird because it's only been four or five months, but it feels like it's been a lifetime, not like a oh my gosh, this is going on forever, but like I just feel like it's all I know and it's all I want to know. So that's interesting.

SPEAKER_01:

I think both of your thoughts kind of go into this idea that marriage is a people-growing machine, like there's no better way to grow like yourself and be able to see your blind spots and weaknesses than to have another person all the time that can see into your soul, like right, like all the things that you thought you're hiding from everybody, the things you thought you were good at. You know, you've got another person to just kind of mirror back to you and show you those parts of you that you maybe aren't so excited about.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, that's been definitely fun and and interesting, but I love growth. So it's it actually has been a really good launch pad to to grow more and to find my weaknesses and to grow from them. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And I think on the flip side of that too, you also have somebody who gets to experience all the joy and magic with, you know, as well as somebody to, you know, mourn with you and you know, experience like the tougher times. Like I think about, I mean, this is a small thing, but our basement flooded for the second time in a few months. And, you know, that's like frustrating and annoying, and you just spent a whole bunch of money and it's hard work to clean out the mess that you know happens when the basement floods. But it we it's like we had a pal to do it with. So it's like you don't have to face the hardest stuff in life alone. You you've got a pal who at least can like be there with you in the suck of life sometimes.

SPEAKER_02:

It's true. Yeah, starting our marriage off going out for the summer and selling in Minnesota was definitely a really I think it was a really cool and unique challenge because it was challenging. It was hard. Uh like this probably happens with a lot of people, but all we wanted to do was be around each other all day. But we both had to work for sometimes 10 hours a day doing something really, really hard and then getting back really late, not having time to really make dinner. And yeah, that was definitely a challenge. But I getting back to Provo and having, you know, you get home at five, and it feels like we have a whole nother day ahead of us because we're not used to having that much time. So that's definitely been really, really fun, and it's made it a lot sweeter having a lot more time to spend together. So that's been really fun.

SPEAKER_01:

That's cool. And making a home together. I I have loved watching you guys do that too. Yeah, that's been also really fun. Just making it your own. Is there anything you wish you had known before you got married, or like something that you feel like could have prepared you better for this?

SPEAKER_03:

Or honestly, on that one, I didn't really This was when we had trouble coming up with an engine when we were reading through the questions.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, honestly, it's been kind of fun to it doesn't feel like we're learning it on our own because we've been told a lot of this stuff like was gonna happen beforehand, but it has been really fun to kind of just experience it. Like there's no best way to prepare in my thinking. Like it's kind of just one of those things where you prepare all you can do. Something that was really helpful in preparing to get married is we studied a lot of books together. Like we read one of the books we read was How to Talk to Kids So Kids Will Listen and How to Listen So Kids Will Talk. That's cool. Which was a really good book to read together because not only were we learning, but we were also discussing about it. So we were learning the different ways we would prefer to parent and we would like to parent. So we had really, really good discussions. I got to get a really good picture of how Libby wants to parent and the different things we want to do when we are parents. But also I learned some really like deeply rooted beliefs of Libby, like one of them being learning and teaching is are some of the two most like godly things we can do, and Libby feels really passionate about that. So that was really cool to learn too, which I think prepared us a ton for being married. Another one we learned was more about like intimacy and how to live a healthy, intimate life. I can't remember the name of the book.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I don't remember either. It was about sexual intimacy though, which was really I don't really know what your audience is for this podcast, but for a lot of Christians who don't have sex before marriage, that was a really important one. Because we learned a lot of things from a good source together at the same time. This is after we were engaged, we studied this book. Um, and we read another one that was a little less applicable to marriage though. But yeah, those were really good for us.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Reading and studying together, that's awesome. Just kind of trying to figure out your what your values will be, your core family values. I love it. What do you guys think about my book?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, we've been studying that one together since being married. We read it like to each other when we're driving places or find some good times. It's been really fun.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, there's been lots. Can you give us a couple of the like first maybe five chapter headings? So like to jog by memory. Because I don't want to like I'm mixing like stuff I've heard on your podcasts, I think, and also stuff we've read to each other in the books. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I just want to remember what's specifically from the book.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, actually, I think that would be super fun. Let's go through the first, because I assume you've kind of at least looked through the first five chapters. So, like the first one is find somebody to complete you. What do you guys think about that advice? Because I think that's not necessarily something that people say out loud all the time, but it's kind of in our culture, like movies in Hollywood, like you know, you want to find your other half, your missing piece. People say all the time, like my better half, my other half, my better half. You know, they think of each other as halves of a whole. So, what do you think about that in your long term?

SPEAKER_03:

I've never before reading that chapter, I hadn't really thought about that in such literal terms. But reading it and being like, oh, that makes so much sense. Obviously, I have to be my own person and then grow together with Jake. He's not like necessarily a part of me. Two people who have similar goals and want to work together to achieve our dreams, right? That feels like such a healthier way to look at our marriage. So I thought that was a super awesome chapter.

SPEAKER_02:

Something I found really attractive about Livy was that she had a backbone. Like she's she has her opinions and she knows how to like articulate those in a conversation. And if I say my opinion and it doesn't jive with hers, she's not just gonna be like, oh yeah, no, that's true. Like she's gonna give her side. So yeah, I personally think that's really attractive when like she holds her ground and stuff like that, but then also is willing to, you know, learn and be better. Like it's not a stubborn thing, but it's like has a backbone is definitely a big yeah, I think is really attractive. And when people are just like, can't do anything without the other person. Of course, we want to be together like all the time, like that's not going away, but we still go to work and do our own things, and we're both very productive when we're not together, and then when we are together, we have such if I'm going out and doing anything fun, I would prefer that she's there because I just have so much fun with her. But yeah, we are are two separate people and we do our two separate things and have our own ambitions and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_01:

So yeah, I love that. So that's called differentiation, right? It's where you two strong individuals can come together and share their life together, right? But that doesn't mean they have to agree on everything, it doesn't mean they have to become one, meaning they can only have one opinion about things. And so it is really healthy and and it does create more passion and longevity in the marriage when you both, you know, kind of have your individual dreams and ideas and and you're interested, you stay interested in that, right? So it's like, you know, Livy can go have her experience in the world and you can have your experience of the world. And then when you do get together, that's like more to talk about, more to draw from, more to respect about each other than just okay, whatever you say, we'll we'll just do that. Yeah, that's awesome. Okay, so number two is if they love you, they'll just know what you need. I think this affects little girls and women more than men, but I've seen it actually be very detrimental on both sides. But I think as women, we're like, oh, if we find the right person and they love us enough, they're just gonna know when we're sad, they're just gonna know what we need, they're just gonna know how to like be our knight in shining armor. And I think that trips up a lot of couples because instead of articulating or you know, saying, like, my birthday's coming up, it would be really cool. I would love this. You know, I think somewhere we get tripped up and think that if we have to tell them it's less meaningful or something. What do you guys think of that?

SPEAKER_02:

I love this one because yeah, this one's super applicable. When me and Libby were dating, one time she was like really sad or upset at me for doing something. And then she was sad and upset at me for not responding the way she would have liked. And I just felt like so I didn't I have any control. Like I was like, I have no idea what to do, and I'm just you know, she's getting upset at me. But then she told me, like, hey, I'm upset, and when I'm upset, like this is something I would love for you to do, it would mean a lot. So then the next times she was upset, she would say, Hey, like, I'm sad or I'm mad at this, and then I would know what to do that would make her feel better, which yeah, some people might call that like cheating or you know, like attacking the system. But then for me, anytime she would tell me she was upset, she would straight up tell me, like, hey, that that made me upset. And then I would know what to do to make her feel better. And then it was just so much easier. So I really I really like that advice. And Libby's really good at, I mean, you I guess you can talk about that, but she said it's something she's been working on, and it's meant a lot to me because it helps me out a ton.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, in no way am I perfect or good at this, but thinking back to like dating in high school, I was a lot worse, and I've been realizing over the years, obviously, when I'm feeling any sort of negative emotion, I can't expect Jade to just know why. So I've been working really hard, and I remember telling him we were dating or engaged that I was working on explaining when I'm upset, and not that he needs to make me feel better, but for him to know how I like him to respond when I don't like something he does, or when I'm mad or upset about something that's doesn't even have to do with him. It's definitely been something I'm working on, just not expecting him to know or to fix it. So when I read that chapter, I was like, oh, this is so good. All of Monica's chapters are explaining my thinking, but in actual words, which is great.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, that's so good, and that's so healthy because if you think about it, if your partner is winning, then you're both winning, right? And so, like you like kind of the the crux or the big idea in that chapter is like, what can I do to help my partner win, right? And so if you want something, if you need something, you know, if something would be helpful to you, you just make a request. And so that's what I try to teach in that chapter the importance of being able to communicate what you want and you need to your partner, how they can win. And then you both win. Yeah. Yeah. Totally agree. And I definitely learned that the hard way. When I married your dad, whew, I just thought he should just know, right? Like he should be able to read my mind, you know. And not that I really thought that, but just somewhere I had this idea that if he loved me enough, he would figure it out. And, you know, partners spend decades doing that, like leaving hints or giving each other the silent treatment, or like walking around just thinking like you should just know. And that's it's painful for a lot of couples. Yeah. All right. So, myth number three, this is a big one. It's a big complicated one, but it's this idea that the right person will never hurt you. And as we talked a little bit about growth, growth can be very painful, it can be uncomfortable. And so the right person will actually challenge you to be the best version of yourself. And that does sometimes include some pain.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I mean, just the fact that me and Jake are so different and have grown up in different areas with different parents, like lots of things about him have challenged me to be better. I mean, obviously, I love Jake and I want to be better for him. But even besides that, just things about him that rub against things about me have changed me for the better, I hope. So I think that's a super cool and important idea.

SPEAKER_01:

Good. Yeah. Okay. So we don't have to get too deep into that one. I think everybody has their own. But you know, we all come with our wounds and our raw spots and the things that kind of, you know, are are difficult for us. And our spouse is gonna bring that out of us, and that is the best way for us to heal. So that's a that's a really good one. Number four, happy couples don't fight. I'm sure you guys haven't fought very much.

SPEAKER_00:

But the reality is that happy couples do fight.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, that's true. I think it's funny. Oh, yeah, a lot of people remember like their first big fight and they'll share that story. They're like, oh yeah, this is after we got married, this is our first big fight. And when we were like dating and engaged, it's not like we fought a lot, but we definitely did have our little like things we would disagree about. But I felt like the way we'd handle those was very good. But we definitely had a couple that I would I was thinking back, I was like, I don't really remember which one was our first. I know that we've had a couple, but they haven't obviously held their ground. But I feel like the way we fought has been really good. Another thing, helpful advice that we got was like debunking the advice like don't sweat the little things. Helpful advice that we got was even on the little things, discuss them because the little things become big things. So not that they're fights, but just like little either disagreements or little tweaks that you can make to the way you do things. Sharing those and why they like you know rub the wrong way has been super helpful to not drop any like super big, unnecessary fights. Because I definitely think there are fights that are bigger and necessary because they are like a bigger topic, but like don't make little things become those big things for no reason. Save the big fights for the big fights and keep the little ones small by communicating more frequently on those. It's something we learned before we got married, and we've tried to use that as best we can. I think that we've done a really good job of that, which minimizes the big fights, which has been awesome.

SPEAKER_03:

I just remembered this kind of has to do with your first question about bad advice I got. But I remember we started dating a little bit after my sister got married, and when Kate and Will were engaged in dating, I remember I have a lot of nosy uncles. They'd be like, So have you guys fought yet? And Kate was like, Nope, I can't imagine us ever fighting. And the other week we were chatting with them, and Kate was like, Oh yeah, I remember saying that they've been married a year now, and she was like, Oh yeah, we fight all the time. But she thought it was really funny that she thought they would never fight. But around the same time, Kate and Will had been married a while and were realizing that it's normal to fight. My uncles were talking with us about it, and Kate was like, Oh yeah, no, we do fight sometimes. And my uncle was like, What about you and Jake, Libby? Have you guys fought? And I was like, What? Yeah, we fought like since we started dating. And they were like, not necessarily telling me that that was bad or giving me advice on it, but like just the the way they looked at me, I was like, Oh, I don't feel like that's necessarily bad. Like, obviously, we're gonna have disagreements, but I think shade is definitely thrown on that, maybe not necessarily formed out in words as advice that we should never fight, but kind of frowned upon, frowned upon.

SPEAKER_02:

Or like a sign of a bad relationship, right?

SPEAKER_03:

Right. So I definitely got that a couple times, but I never felt like it was bad. I I liked learning how to communicate better with Jake when I or he didn't like something, and from the very beginning we've had disagreements, which apparently Game Will did not, but it worked. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I don't know if you remember this, Jake, but I when you know you guys were together for such a short period of time, and I was like, Have you guys disagreed or fought about anything yet? Do you remember that?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, can't remember what I said, but I remember you asking me that.

SPEAKER_01:

You did, you did, and I said, How did it go? And you said that both of you kind of stood your ground and then you talked about it. And I was like, Okay. Because I don't think that people should get married until they've had at least one big disagreement and they see how they handle, you know, seeing eye to eye, not being completely validated, like not knowing where the other person stands on an issue. So I thought that was very healthy. So, you know, even though you guys like dating engaged really quickly, I was like, let's just make sure that we've had a disagreement, guys.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, we definitely have those.

SPEAKER_03:

We have a lot. We agree on a lot of things, but there are still a good amount where we don't see I die.

SPEAKER_01:

That's that's good. What's important is how you repair and how you care about each other and respect your differences because they're there. That's awesome. And then myth number five is don't sweat the small stuff. So that's awesome.

SPEAKER_02:

I must be reading your book or something.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, maybe. Well, that's awesome, you guys. That was so fun. That was so fun to talk about the first five myths, like to kind of see how they've kind of come about in, you know, your very short experience but good experience. So uh my next question is what advice would you give newlyweds who are, you know, kind of considering marriage? They're they're kind of at that place. What what would you tell them?

SPEAKER_03:

I think I would tell them to read a book that my mother-in-law wrote about happy marriage.

SPEAKER_00:

I did not even tell you to say that. But I love that you did.

SPEAKER_02:

I definitely, I don't know if I'm in a place to give good advice, but I think a lot of those principles that are in the book are really good. Literally, one of my favorite things that we did, and I talked about it earlier, was read and learn together. Because personally, I think that was something important to me was knowing the Importance of learning and growing, and if that person was willing to learn and grow with me, even knowing that it would be hard. And so reading those books together, I got a sense of how Livy understands information, processes information, and then how she views that information. So that was something that I would recommend. I would recommend even a couple books, but even more important than the specific books, learning stuff together. Go experience something together. Go or like have certain discussions about certain things or go play sports together. Even if both of you suck at sports, or if both of you are really good at sports, just intentionally do stuff together. That's gonna draw out certain sides so that you get to see that side. Obviously, you're not gonna see all of those sides no matter how long you date for, but just intentionally try to see all of those sides and grow with the other person in any way you you possibly can't set goals, do whatever. That would be my advice. Just go experience stuff and see how the other person experiences it. And if you like experiencing stuff with that person, I want to experience the whole world with Libby. Like we want to travel, we want to have a lot of kids, we want to learn new things, like read, but also experience stuff in the world. And I love doing that type of stuff with her. So yeah, that's something I would I would recommend.

SPEAKER_03:

What do you recommend? Yeah, that's a hard question to answer. But what I love about my relationship with Jake is that the top three to five things that are most important to me and that that are the top on my priority list are also the top of Jake's, which makes it super fulfilling when we work together towards our spiritual goals, towards our family goals. And then of course, there's lots of things that Jake cares a lot about that I I don't want to say don't care about, but wouldn't care about if it weren't for Jake. And it's fun to start caring about random things that are important to Jake just because they're important to him, and vice versa. I noticed when we were dating that Jake would spend a lot of time learning about the things that I liked just because I liked them, which was really meaningful. So priority lists that are fairly similar, I think is super beneficial.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, you guys, this has been so much fun. Thank you for spending this time with me. I hope that everybody listening has enjoyed it. Probably not quite as much as I have, but it's been so cool to be your mom, Jake. I mean, I remember putting you to bed when you were like four years old and you were like, what do you think my wife is doing right now? And it was fun to imagine that she was probably getting ready for bed and being tucked in by her mom just like you were. And just throughout your life, I've always known that you were excited to be a husband, that you were gonna be a fantastic husband and father. And it's really, really cool to get to see you do that. So I think you are both so lucky. And I am so grateful to just kind of be a spectator, get to watch you guys do this. Like that it feels like such a reward as a parent to get to see your kids like, you know, just making their own way and making their own family and you know, choosing.