Marriage and Intimacy Tips for Christian Couples: Secrets of Happily Ever After
Have you ever wondered what makes the difference between those couples who absolutely LOVE to be together and the ones who merely tolorate each other in their old age? I always want to run up to the cute old couples who still hold hands while walking down the street and ask them all their secrets to relationship success. This podcast gives me the opportunity to do just that!
I'm Monica Tanner, wife to a super hunky man, mom to 4 kids, weekly podcaster and relationship and intimacy expert/enthusiast. I help couples ditch the resentment and roommate syndrome and increase communication, connection and commitment, so they can write and live out their happily ever after love story. If that sounds like something you want, this podcast is absolutely for YOU!
Each week, I'm teasing out the principles that keep couples hopelessly devoted and intoxicatingly in love with each other for a lifetime and beyond. I'm searching high and low for the secrets of happily ever after and sharing those secrets with you right here. Sound marriage advice for Christian couples who want to live happily ever after and achieve a truly intimate friendship and passionate partnership, because an awesome marriage makes life so much sweeter. Let's get to it!
Marriage and Intimacy Tips for Christian Couples: Secrets of Happily Ever After
How to Enjoy More Freedom in Your Marriage
True intimacy requires the freedom to be ourselves in marriage. We explore what it means to create space where both partners feel safe, seen, respected, and supported throughout all seasons of life together.
• Creating emotional freedom by feeling safe to make mistakes, have opinions, and share feelings without judgment
• Physical freedom in maintaining personal friendships, self-care, and autonomy within partnership
• Sexual freedom to communicate desires, boundaries, and curiosities without shame
• Spiritual freedom to explore faith and values both individually and as a couple
• Using the powerful question "Tell me more about that" to foster understanding and connection
• Practicing grace over judgment and celebrating each other's individuality
• Giving each other permission to evolve, grow, and make mistakes
Join us for a special workshop on July 16th on "How to Stop Compromising to Get More of What You Want in Your Relationship." Sign up at www.monicatanner.com/stopcompromising to attend live or receive the recording.
Hello and welcome to the Secrets of Happily Ever After podcast. I'm your host, monica Tanner, and I am recording this episode on the 4th of July. I am so excited about today's topic, which I will be talking about freedom not just freedom that we enjoy in this country to worship and to live the way we choose, but in today's episode I want to talk about freedom in marriage, freedom to be ourselves, and what it looks and feels like to create an intimate marriage where both partners feel free emotionally, physically, sexually and spiritually. But before we start, I want to make you aware of a really cool opportunity. I am partnering with my friend, allie Bullock, who is a licensed therapist, and we are going to be teaching a class on how to stop compromising in order to get more of what you want in your relationship. So if you feel like sometimes you're giving up things that are important to you in your marriage just to keep the peace or because it's too much trouble, or you feel like you're being a good partner by sacrificing, I really want you to consider coming to our workshop. We're going to be doing it on July 16th at noon, mountain standard time, so two o'clock Eastern and you could either come live or get the recording. You can come on your own or with your partner, but regardless, it's going to be a really great class or we'll be teaching for about 45 minutes to an hour and then we'll be taking live Q and a questions from you on how to stop compromising in order to get more of what you want. So to sign up for that, you're just going to go to wwwmonicatanercom. Backslash stop compromising the classes in just over a week, and I can't wait to see you there. All right, let's get to today's topic.
Speaker 0:This morning I woke up super grateful for the freedom that we enjoy in this country and the men and women who have made that possible. I also felt a deep sense of gratitude for how much I have grown as a person since I started this podcast seven years ago Now. I have shared a ton of content online using this podcast and social media, and over the years I've learned to appreciate the freedom I feel to state my opinion, to be wrong, to make mistakes, to learn and grow and to share really vulnerable parts of myself, not just for the heck of it, but because my hope is that it will help someone else. I've also learned and experienced that other people are free to have their own opinions and judgments about the content I'm putting out. They're free to like or dislike the content, they're free to follow or unfollow my accounts and they're free to have their own opinions about anything that I'm talking about. But I know for me, so much growth has come from feeling free to be who I am, and this type of freedom is absolutely essential to creating an intimate, passionate, healthy, thriving marriage, and so that's what I want to talk about today.
Speaker 0:Freedom in marriage is not you and your partner get to do whatever you want, like. You do your thing and I'll do mine. What it does mean is that both of you feel safe, seen, respected and supported in your marriage throughout all the different seasons of your life together. When that freedom is missing, we start hiding parts of ourselves, walking around on eggshells or simply going through the motion, and that is not intimate. That is basically living in self-protection mode. True intimacy requires freedom. So let's break that down Feeling free to be who you are, to make mistakes, to have your own opinions and perspectives and preferences about things, to be able to say how you really feel about any topic and to have your own feelings, whether your partner understands them or not, without being judged, dismissed or punished. That's what creates emotional freedom. It means creating a space where both of you can share your truth without feeling like your partner is trying to fix you or change you or punish you for not being the same as they are. The benefits of this emotional freedom is that, as we grow and evolve and make mistakes and have wins, that we have someone there to go through the good times and the bad, to support us in all the seasons and be our friend and confidant. That is intimacy into me. See, without judging or blaming or defending or protecting, it's vulnerable, it's real and it's absolutely essential. So a little tip I can give you in order to create more emotional freedom in your relationship is to constantly be asking each other to tell me more about that. So if you come home and your partner has had a bad day, practice saying tell me more about that. If they're super excited about something that happened, tell me more about that. If they're super excited about something that happened, tell me more about that. If they're feeling conflicted, if they had a fight with a family member or friend, we can show our love and support by, instead of trying to fix the situation for them, judge them or make it about us. We simply say tell me more about that. So that's number one emotional freedom, so important.
Speaker 0:The second area in which freedom is crucial is physically. Now, this has more to do with does your partner feel free to have their own friendships, to, say, go out for ladies night or guys night? Do they feel free to ask for a hug or a kiss when they need one? Do they feel free and this is a big one to take care of themselves in the way that they find needful? This includes things like what they eat, how often they sleep, what they do with their day. Physical freedom in a relationship is crucial. I've worked with far too many couples who feel like they are somewhat owned by their partner. Now, this doesn't have to be extremely overt, but it's a feeling that their partner needs to know where they are at all times, that they're constantly checking their phone or looking over their shoulder. Sometimes it includes not feeling free to spend money or make decisions about their health. Now, it's good to work as a team in all of these areas, but as humans, we have the need to be independent and we also have the need to be connected and so creating freedom around yourself physically requires communication about the things that are important to you. It means being aware of your partner's sense of physical space, as well as their need for alone time versus being with their friends, versus being with you or being with the children. These are all important areas of physical freedom that should be explored, and you can use that same question tell me more about that explored and you can use that same question tell me more about that to learn about each other's physical intimacy and freedom needs.
Speaker 0:Now the next area of freedom that is so important to address is sexual freedom. This is a big one that I work with couples all the time to manage this idea of feeling free around their own sexuality. This means feeling free to initiate. So many couples feel pressure, shame or fear around the topic of sexuality. Sexual freedom means you can talk to your partner about your desires, your boundaries, your curiosities and your insecurities. I recently asked my husband in a very intimate moment, what is your favorite thing about being married to me? And he's smart, so he said so many things. But right now he said I'm really appreciating that I can talk to you about anything that I can share all of my sexual feelings and fantasies with you and basically he was saying that he feels free to be himself. There's no good or bad, right or wrong. It's just who he is and can he share that with me freely? I will make you this promise.
Speaker 0:The best sex you will ever have is when both partners feel free to express themselves, even when that means choosing when and how to be sexually intimate with each other. For example, if your sexual routine often involves duty sex or sex out of obligation or feeling like you need to caretake, you will not feel the sexual intimacy and connection that comes with full freedom of expression in this area. True sexual intimacy is probably the most vulnerable thing that two adults can experience together. It takes time, effort and a lot of trust to create a sexual relationship that works for both of you, but I promise it's one of the most important things that you could put your effort into. Adult sexuality is the opportunity to play. It's the opportunity to discover. It's the opportunity to create not only life but pleasure and connection and unity. So I encourage you if you're not feeling confident about your sexual relationship, please reach out. It's crucial that both of you feel free around the topic of sexuality. All right.
Speaker 0:And the final area I want to address when it comes to creating freedom in your marriage is spiritual freedom. So this is the freedom to grow, explore your faith, beliefs, values, both as individuals and as a couple. You don't have to be carbon copies of each other. In fact, your spiritual differences can spark deeply respectful and powerful conversations. I've noticed in our own marriage is, as we go through the different seasons of our life and we experience the challenges and celebrations both individually and together, our ideas about religion and values and spirituality are constantly changing. One of my very favorite things that my husband and I do together is we take daily walks, especially when the weather is good, and we love to talk about different aspects of values and religion and spirituality. We are not the same when it comes to this and instead of using that as proof that we're not meant to be together or we don't have a strong relationship or one of us is better than the other, we use it as a way to explore our differences, to learn about each other, to support each other's spiritual growth and learning and to really like hash out our ideas about life and the universe and God and where we fit in all of it. They are some of the most meaningful and connecting conversations that we have.
Speaker 0:One of my favorite things to discuss with him usually starts with a question like what's giving you a sense of peace and purpose lately? That way, we can talk about the things that are most important to us without feeling judged or misunderstood, and it gives us the opportunity to grow and evolve, I think, into the best version of ourselves. So, in all of these areas emotional, physical, sexual and spiritual here are just a couple of tips to create freedom in all of those areas together. Number one is to start with small, honest conversations every day. Like I said, my husband and I love to walk together. Number one is to start with small, honest conversations every day. Like I said, my husband and I love to walk together, and this is where we talk about all those different areas of our life and our marriage. Number two celebrate each other's individuality. Instead of getting hung up on how you're different, celebrate how you're different, even if it feels invalidating your partner having a different stance or position on something, as you can help you to grow and open your perspective and maybe have an understanding of something that you would never have been able to explore before. Number three is a big one.
Speaker 0:Give each other permission to evolve and grow and make mistakes. I've worked with couples where either the husband or the wife was so afraid of making a mistake that they would literally make themselves sick. I know for me. I've had periods of my life and my marriage where I had so much anxiety about not being perfect and it wasn't until I could let go of that that I really experienced growth. It's okay to make mistakes. It's okay to change your mind. It's okay to get it wrong. It's okay to try out different ideas about things. You can do that in all of those areas. It's okay to have big emotions. It's okay to go out with your friends and decide that you miss your partner and go home early. It's okay to get really into diet and exercise. It's okay to decide you don't wanna drink soda anymore. It's okay to try new things in bed and decide whether you like them or whether you don't. And it's okay to explore different ideas about religion to see if it brings you closer or farther from your values and goals. Give each other permission. And fourth, practice grace over judgment. Again, that statement tell me more of that will help you understand each other better and create more intimacy.
Speaker 0:Remember that freedom in marriage isn't about getting your own way all the time.
Speaker 0:It's about creating a space where you're both free to be who you are and become who you will become. That's the only way to create an intimate, passionate partnership where there's room for both of you to become the best versions of yourself, where you feel free to be and become. So as I close out this episode, here's what I want you to think about. Do I feel freedom in my marriage emotionally, physically, sexually and spiritually and do my actions give my partner the freedom to be and become, to make mistakes, to evolve, to grow and to share their truth with me? When you both feel free, then, and only then, can you write the beautiful love story that you came here to write together. That is the essence of happily ever after. So I hope that you enjoyed the 4th of July and celebration of freedom If you're in the United States, and if you're not, my hope and prayer is that you can create the freedom to be and become both individually and together in your marriage. We'll see you next week, same time, same place, and until then, happy marriaging.