Marriage and Intimacy Tips for Christian Couples: Secrets of Happily Ever After
Have you ever wondered what makes the difference between those couples who absolutely LOVE to be together and the ones who merely tolorate each other in their old age? I always want to run up to the cute old couples who still hold hands while walking down the street and ask them all their secrets to relationship success. This podcast gives me the opportunity to do just that!
I'm Monica Tanner, wife to a super hunky man, mom to 4 kids, weekly podcaster and relationship and intimacy expert/enthusiast. I help couples ditch the resentment and roommate syndrome and increase communication, connection and commitment, so they can write and live out their happily ever after love story. If that sounds like something you want, this podcast is absolutely for YOU!
Each week, I'm teasing out the principles that keep couples hopelessly devoted and intoxicatingly in love with each other for a lifetime and beyond. I'm searching high and low for the secrets of happily ever after and sharing those secrets with you right here. Sound marriage advice for couples who want to live happily ever after and achieve a truly intimate friendship, because an awesome marriage makes life so much sweeter. Let's get to it!
Marriage and Intimacy Tips for Christian Couples: Secrets of Happily Ever After
How to Create More Passion by Being Willing to Risk Your Relationship
This episode focuses on understanding the importance of taking risks to rejuvenate a relationship and combat mediocrity. Monica and Nate discuss fears that hold couples back, with insights into how to engage in open conversations that lead to positive change and passion in marriage.
• Emphasizing the need to awaken passion in relationships
• Discussing the three common fears preventing honest conversations
• Highlighting the cost of complacency in love
• Encouraging vulnerability and openness with partners
• Offering actionable advice for difficult discussions
• Sharing personal narratives to illustrate key insights
• Reminding listeners about the powerful impact on children and future generations
• Introducing next week’s topic on asking for what you truly want in relationships
Hello and welcome to the Secrets of Happily Ever After podcast. I'm your host, monica Tanner, with my co-host, nate Bagley, and we are so excited to bring you into the new year with a really fun topic, and we set it up in our last episode where we started talking about ways to create passion out of your mediocre marriage. So if you're just kind of feeling like you're coasting along in your marriage and you want to make 2025 more passionate and exciting, getting more of what you want, feeling more blessed and more excited about your marriage, we are going to give you the next three episodes. We're going to go over rules or methods in which you can kind of bring that spark into your marriage. What do you think, nate?
Speaker 2:Sounds good.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, I was going to start this episode off with some really bad news, Like I'm really really super bummed. I had all of these exciting goals for 2025. One of which was to run a marathon and I was going to PR and I've been training and super excited and last night I did the dumbest thing ever.
Speaker 1:And I'm so upset and like I've been depressed all day, so this is like kind of bringing me out of my slump. Yes, hey, so I was going to paint my daughter's room and my kids go back to school tomorrow, and so I was kind of getting excited to prep the room and there was a nail in her wall, like really up high, where we had a picture hung, and I needed to get this nail out of the wall so I could spackle the hole and let it dry so I could paint. You know, start painting tomorrow and I couldn't reach it, so I went in the next room and I got this rickety old stool Not a good time.
Speaker 2:Not a good.
Speaker 1:not a good adjective to use and so I stepped up on the stool. I don't think I ever had my balance, but I lost my balance put my left leg down to catch my fall and just heard it pop and like it was awful and I just like crumpled to the ground and I said a lot of bad words and of course, my kids ran up the stairs.
Speaker 2:Like, what bad words did you say?
Speaker 1:Well, I'm just kidding, you don't have to tell us, I guarantee you would not want your kids listening to my potty mouth, but it hurts so bad and I was just like laying on the floor. My kids came running up the stairs and Ben had gone to deliver cookies, so he wasn't there. And they were like, should we call dad? And I'm like, no, it's fine. I got up and I hobbled out and I just thought I'm going to ice it and tomorrow morning I'm going to wake up and it's going to be all better. And it wasn't.
Speaker 2:So are you going to show us? Is it all swollen and gross?
Speaker 1:It's not really swollen. That's the thing.
Speaker 2:It's not really going to go to the doctor and figure out what's if there's something wrong, like yeah, I think I'm going to have to. I mean you don't. The thing you don't want to do is, if you have like a torn ligament or something like that is just ignore it and then keep training on it when it feels a little bit better.
Speaker 1:Well, there's no training. I can barely walk.
Speaker 2:So well, I'm not talking like tomorrow, I'm talking like weeks down the road.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I I have this horrible feeling that it's it is a torn ACL. I mean, I've torn my right several times. I've had three surgeries on my right knee, so I'm pretty familiar with that feeling.
Speaker 2:Is it your knee or your ankle?
Speaker 1:It's my knee.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah. I'm sorry, monica, that's a bummer.
Speaker 1:I used to just have one bad knee and I was like, oh, I'm going to replace it anyway, so it's fine. And now I have two bad knees.
Speaker 2:Speaking as somebody who just wrapped up over half a year of physical therapy for his knee, I I empathize with your pain.
Speaker 1:that's wrong with us and our bum knees. We're getting old, I'm just getting old here's the thing that gets my goat the most that nail is still there. I didn't even get the nail down you gotta conquer that nail. I know that nail should be very afraid. What's gonna happen to it now?
Speaker 2:Speaking of conquering things, let's segue gracefully into our conquering like maybe a roommate syndrome or a little bit of slump in your marriage and dive into some of the details that we set up last week.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So if you haven't listened to last week's episode, you should go back Quick recap.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So we talked about three ways to bring your marriage out of mediocrity and into more passion, and we said the first step was you have to be willing to risk it. So that's what I want to talk about, for the bulk of this episode, is what that really means, how to do it, what it looks like to actually be willing to risk your marriage. Number two was you can't be upset about not getting what you've never asked for. And number three is acknowledge even the smallest amount of progress, and speaking of which I'm super excited to dive into this because I started reading the book that you recommended what Shamu taught me about life, love.
Speaker 2:That'll be a great asset for that episode.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I figure we can talk about that book because you recommended it. I thought it sounded awesome, and so I went and got it and I am currently reading it.
Speaker 2:So are you enjoying it?
Speaker 1:I like it. Yeah, it's interesting she's. She's not a marriage researcher like us, she's a journalist, and so she takes topics that she finds interesting and she just has a little bit of humor and kind of talks about how she's applied it in her own life. And so far, so good. Good, I'm really liking it yeah, good, all right so that'll be in a couple different.
Speaker 2:That'll be in a couple episodes today we're going to talk about risking it for the biscuit risking it for the biscuit, for all the marbles?
Speaker 1:yeah, because the reality is is it's difficult to challenge the status quo, it's hard to rock the boat, you know, if you're kind of coasting along and you're not super unhappy but you feel like there's more. There are three reasons why we don't tell truth to power or we don't risk it per se. You know, if we see something in the relationship, something we like to challenge, um, three fears that keep us from saying anything would be number one fear of abandonment or withdraw from the relationship, like they will leave us. The second would be fear of retaliation They'll get really upset and blow up and do something scary. Or three, that they'll fall apart and it will be all our fault. So those are the three things that Terry real talks about as reasons why we stay stuck and we don't tell truth to power.
Speaker 2:Same again fear of what.
Speaker 1:So fear of abandonment, fear of retaliation or fear of them falling apart and it being our fault?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So what can we do about those fears and how can we overcome them in order to create something better for both of us in the relationship?
Speaker 2:Good question.
Speaker 1:Why would be why? I guess the question I want to answer with this episode is why would someone be willing to risk one or multiple of those three fears in order to create a better relationship?
Speaker 2:Because the cost of staying stuck is outweighed by the potential loss. When the fear of staying the same exceeds the fear of change, that, I think, drives some people to motivation. They're so miserable and unhappy and frustrated with the way things are. They have to, they have to change something. And then another reason that they might want to change is just because that's what they're committed to, like they. They don't want, they don't want fear. They're making the conscious decision to not let fear be the driving motivator behind the relationship in their life. That is the one that's fueled by should be most fueled by love, like I find in my life.
Speaker 2:My relationships, my relationship with my kids is different than my relationship with my spouse, because my kids are, they're part of me. There's something about somebody that you helped create that's like oh man, there's a special kind of love reserved for that type of person and acceptance. But with my spouse she does, she does not, she's not related to me through blood and she's the person that I picked out of all the other people and said I'm going to choose you. We're not stuck together because we have some sort of DNA connection, because we have the same kids or the same parents. We're stuck together because we looked at each other and said, hey, we're going to make this work together. We're stuck together because we looked at each other and said, hey, we're going to make this work together.
Speaker 2:And I think there's a real um power in making a genuine and sincere commitment to not only choose somebody, but like choose somebody with the intention of we're not going to do a half-assed job at this, like we're not, we're not, we're not. We want this to be maximally enjoyable for both of us. We're we're not just doing this to endure life together. We're doing it to enjoy life together. And that would be another reason to choose this path, because love conquers fear. And if fear is motivating your choices in your relationship, most likely your relationship is not in a good spot, and it's because it's been driven by fear for a while your relationship is not in a good spot and it's because it's been driven by fear for a while.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think you bring up a really good point. Because if you're not going to challenge the relationship for your own benefit, think about your children, who are getting a blueprint of what they can hope for and wish for and create in their own lives, and if you're showing them the picture of mediocrity, you're not really setting them up for optimal success and happiness. If you're just acting as a resentful martyr and saying that you're, you know, you're just accepting what is in your marriage and not challenging what could be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I want to reemphasize we spoke about this on an earlier episode that mediocrity is part of marriage, like that Maslow's mountain, like there's going to be times in your life where things are tough, they're stressful, they're overwhelming your. Your focus is going to be on meeting your basic needs and not necessarily like fulfilling your highest purpose, and that is okay. I think what's important is showing your kids that you don't stay there forever and that there's things you can proactively do to get out of that space and get into a more healthy and passionate space, by choice instead of by happenstance.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:So this episode is talking, we're talking about risking it for the biscuit, and there's these four. There's three fears the fear of retaliation, fear of abandonment and fear of them falling apart and having it be our fault Totally normal fears to have. So when we are feeling that fear, like first, first, I think it's important to acknowledge everybody feels those three fears. I think they're universal. What do we do?
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, when we are no longer taking each other on, which is being willing to risk it, right, when we just lay down and say this is all there is to my marriage, it's just, this is what it looks like, this is who I married. I just have to kind of deal with it. The very first casualty is going to be passion. I mean, you're not going to be excited about being together, You're not going to be excited about the future or the promise of what could be, if you're just sitting there and accepting what you have, and so that, hopefully, is a reason why you'd want to overcome these fears.
Speaker 1:And I think you know it's very common to think that you know you're married now you're kind of stuck, like this is how it's going to be. Long-term relationships don't get to have lifelong passion, and then we just stopped trying and we become very resentful, and resentment also is like the number one killer of passion, and it's. You know, some people can live out their lives that way, but you definitely, definitely don't have to if you're willing to risk the relationship. So how can we, or how do we, do that? I think the first thing we have to come to terms with is you can look for more. You can be willing to risk it. You're not always going to get it and that's a really vulnerable spot to be in, to be able to voice something that you want in the relationship with you know that lingering idea of I may not get any of this, but I'm going to put it out there and see what happens which is why we say it's risky it's risky yeah.
Speaker 2:I think a mistake that people make, when they take this risk, is they present it as a threat. I think it's really easy, when you're dissatisfied or unhappy with the way things are in your relationship, to show up at the bargaining table and say I'm not happy because you're not making me happy, and here's what you need to do in order for this relationship to change. And if you don't do this, I'm out. That's a threat and that's an accusation. There's like so much not positive wrapped up in that conversation, and so I think I think, when we talk about being willing to risk it if you're unsatisfied with how things are going, if you're not happy with something inside your relationship, I think an important thing to take note of is like don't show up to the conversation in that headspace of finger pointing. I think the ideal thing would be to show up with an attitude of. I think one of the best things that you can do is create a vision of what your marriage could be and have it be something that your partner would get on board with.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, it's interesting that you mentioned that, because I want to give the listeners a very, very like, tangible and actionable way to do this, and you know, being willing to risk the relationship takes a lot of skill. Like you said, you don't want to just, you know, start making accusations and throwing, throwing threats around, like if you let's say you want more for your relationship and let's say you want to go see a couples counselor, like I would absolutely recommend seeing an RLT trained coach or therapist, but let's say that's something, that that's a place where you want to start, you want to get into couples counseling and your partner is resistant.
Speaker 2:Common scenario.
Speaker 1:Very common scenario, right, you first have to be willing to risk the relationship, and I want to give you, step by step, how you would do this. So first you're going to research it, find somebody who you'd like to see, and then you're going to, you know, research it, you know, find somebody who you'd like to see, and then you're going to bring it to your partner and you're going to start by and I would say, be willing to show up at the door. You know, if your spouse is coming home from work or whatever, show up and say hey, honey, how was your day? Very kind and loving. This is very, very, very important to me. I've been thinking a lot about it. I've done my research. I would like to go see someone together. Now you may have to do that day after day after day after day until you get some concessions. But let's say your partner is not budging and you show up at the door and you're kind and loving and you make your request and your partner is just not willing to fulfill it.
Speaker 1:then you can start taking things away, meaning risking the relationship, the status quo, so you can show up one day after you know a few times of of of being really and you can say I would really like to go see someone, and until we do, I will no longer be providing dinner for you when you get home, or I will no longer be willing to go with you to social gatherings, or I will no longer be willing to sleep in the same bed as you right, if you, you know, are at that point. So you can start taking away things in the relationship that are just perhaps taken for granted, or the things that you do, um, that your partner will miss, and you can say until you agree to go with me and see this person to help us with our relationship, I will no longer be doing A, b and C in our relationship.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I want to soften this a little bit. Can I soften it for you or with you? I like this idea, but I think that it can be really dangerous. It can turn into a race to the bottom of the barrel or it can come across as like a really distressing threat, and I do think there's a place for it for sure.
Speaker 2:And I think the context in which you present this is important, and I think there's something to be said about making a request over and over and over again and having it go ignored or unacknowledged. And I think part of setting that boundary I guess that you're talking about is going. I think it should be accompanied with a little bit of like, curiosity and conversation, like, hey, I've noticed I've brought up this desire to go to couples therapy with you probably four or five times in the last couple of weeks and, um, and you just have been shutting it down, you've been avoiding it and I want to know what it. Why is it that my request is going unheard? What is it about my desire to go see a therapist? That is, that is not important to you? Yeah.
Speaker 1:Let's play with that. And I would say there's something, there's play with that.
Speaker 2:And I would say something there's something here that you don't value, or there's something here that you're avoiding, or I'm expressing a need and you're dismissing that need, and I wanna get curious and figure out, like is there a reason for that? Have you just been absent-minded? Have you been busy?
Speaker 1:And I might say something like I don't think there's anything wrong with our relationship.
Speaker 2:Great, think there's anything wrong with our relationship, great. And then the question turns to do you, does it matter to you that I do feel like there's something wrong? Yes, because if that doesn't matter, if my experience of the relationship doesn't matter to you, that's a problem. If my satisfaction in the relationship, if you feel like things are fine but I don't and that doesn't matter to you, that's a problem. And that, to me, shows me that you're not showing up in the relationship the same way I am. And so here's where I'm at. I don't want to continue to put a hundred percent effort into a relationship where my partner doesn't, and here's what I'm no longer willing to do.
Speaker 2:Like if if, if my needs are secondary to you, then it would be silly of me to continue to over-invest in our relationship. And so here's what I'm unwilling to do until my needs are taken seriously.
Speaker 1:That's really good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it's like I know it never plays out that smoothly, but I think I think provide, instead of just coming out and being like you haven't responded to me, so I'm taking away dinner, like illustrating why this matters to you, like my, if I'm unhappy or if I'm dealing with something that is frustrating in our relationship and and just because you're unhappy, you feel like it's not worth having a conversation, it's not worth pursuing some, some help or some getting some outside support.
Speaker 2:That's a problem. Like it's problematic that you, I'm supposed to be the most important person in your world and you don't care about my experience. Yeah, that's a problem. And, um, yeah, like one of the things that my therapist told me recently is like you can only contribute to a system the, the, the contribution you can contribute to a system, the contribution you can make to a system is limited by the contribution that the system will allow. So you might want to have a really deep relationship with somebody like a sibling or a friend or an in-law or a parent, and their capacity to go deep with, to have that type of deeper relationship with you, just may not be there.
Speaker 1:And when you're talking about your primary romantic relationship, it's hard to risk that Now, if a parent or a sibling or a friend you know were to say I'm not willing to go there with you, I'm going to take my ball and leave, you'd have to mourn that loss. But when you're talking about your marriage, you're talking about the fear of abandonment, the fear of retaliation or the fear of kind of destroying this person.
Speaker 2:Watching your partner fall apart and having it be your fault.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, which is?
Speaker 2:a hard thing to experience and, speaking from experience, it's something that you can recover from.
Speaker 1:It is. All. Three of those are things that you can recover from, but you have to be willing to risk it. That's what it means to risk. The relationship is saying here's what I'm willing to give, here's what I'm looking for. If, if we can't figure something out in this respect, then I'm not willing to give these things yeah for sure, and I think most people have these fears based on experience.
Speaker 2:I think it's really easy, like if you have called something out or asked for something and it gets neglected or ignored over and over and over again. I think it's really easy to just give up. If every time you bring something up, your partner retaliates and kind of beats you up, it's easy to say, well, I'm just not going to bring things up anymore. Or if every time you bring something up, your partner feels completely abandoned and then the conversation shifts from the issue that you brought up to making your partner feel safe and loved and accepted before. That can feel exhausting. Oh, it's exhausting to just reassure somebody every time you have to bring up an issue. You know I still love you, I'm not going anywhere, oh, oh, like you know it's a loving thing to do, but at some point like it kind of gets exhausting and it's hard to watch people fall apart and it can be really hard to bring up a really hard truth that you know will be painful for them to hear and knowing it might destroy their world, the world view or the way that your relationship is. I remember can I share an experience of when I had to do that in my marriage. Of course, this is probably one of the toughest things my wife and I've ever gone had to go through together. Um, we were uh, we were okay, trying to provide the shortest amount of context possible to give you guys an idea of what's going on. So my wife had a really rough pregnancy with our first child. She dealt with hyperemesis, so she was always nauseous, she was exhausted. She was also working full time as a nurse and it was during peak COVID and nobody knew if COVID would affect babies in utero. And she was working in the ICU and so she was, you know, close to or even caring for some of the the worst victims of that disease and the. The nation's dialogue had shifted from health care heroes to like they were getting threats and there were people showing up at the hospital screaming let me in, it's a hoax, like I'm going to prove it's a hoax, and they had to have extra security. And there were many nights where she would come home crying, additionally, like we were going through a faith transition, which was really really difficult for us as a family and for my wife especially. So we moved to Costa Rica for a year.
Speaker 2:This is a very long story short and while we were in Costa Rica so my wife had the baby before we left for Costa Rica, dealt with a lot of severe postpartum depression and that's kind of what triggered us to leave. She was going back to work, she was exhausted, she was giving everything she had to work and then coming home and didn't have anything left to give our daughter or me and was just burned out, overwhelmed. Her identity was crumbling because of our faith transition and all this other stuff that was going on. There were friend and family relationships that were suffering as a result of it and I was like we got to get out of here. So we moved to Costa Rica. We're there for a little while, and then my wife started saying like hey, I want to talk about growing our family some more. And this is the moment where I had to give my wife a truth that would force, that caused her to fall apart. So she was like really dead set on it. She's like I want to have another baby. I'm like great, me too. But can we talk about it in a few months? Okay, me too. But can we talk about it in a few months? Okay, sounds good, we'll talk about it in the new year.
Speaker 2:So you know, november goes by, december goes by January 1st. We're going for a walk on the beach in Costa Rica. It's gorgeous, we're having a great time, and my wife goes. It's the new year. She said we had to wait till the new year. It's January 1st, it's the new year, I want to talk about having another baby and I'm in my mind weighing all these factors.
Speaker 2:I'm like we have been through so much these last few months. We've, you know, this last year has just been absolute chaos. It's been craziness, like my wife has been dealing with depression and anxiety and reevaluating and reconstructing her entire belief system and dealing with um, like recovering from the stresses of COVID and working as a nurse and becoming a new mother, and the hormones and the and the, and like the, the postpartum depression, and it was like we had just been dealing with so much and I didn't feel like we were out of the woods yet and I was like I do want to have another kid with you, but I just don't. I don't think adding a pregnancy and another kid onto everything that we're still kind of dealing with would be a good idea. And what my wife heard was I don't think you're capable of having another child. I don't want you to be the mother of my next, of our next child. I don't want to have babies with you. I don't have confidence in you as a mother and and maybe that was maybe I just didn't communicate myself very well.
Speaker 2:I don't know what it was, but I was trying to be gentle and it didn't come across the way I wanted and she fell apart and for a good day or two she was probably as angry and upset with me as I've ever seen her be. But I knew in that moment I had the opportunity to either lie and be like yeah, okay, let's just start trying to have another baby, or I could be honest about like where I saw her. I thought she was in denial about the reality of our situation and it was terrifying. I'm like I'm sitting there on the beach with this woman that I love and I'm like I know. I know if I tell her that the timing's not right and I wanted to wait longer, that it would not go well, she would not receive it well, and I didn't want to fight and I didn't want to go have that conversation.
Speaker 2:But I also knew that if I was like, okay, and I conceded that I would have regrets for maybe the rest of my life, you know, I didn't know where that would center, to what dark place, and so I was just in that moment I was just sick to my stomach. But we crawled our way out of it and we met with our therapist and talked about things and she provided some context and it was really helpful. But, yeah, that was like that was one of the times in our marriage where I was faced with that choice. I could lie and keep the peace and then betray what is true to me and maybe even in that moment like betray, the future version of my spouse, who needed me to stand up for future, her and her sanity and wellbeing. Or I could stand up for myself and be honest and risk the fallout. And it was hard, yeah, it was hard.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but you were willing to risk it. Yeah, and we made it. Yeah, and you have another baby.
Speaker 2:We have another baby, we had another kid. We had a compromise. We waited a little bit longer, not as long as I would have liked, but she was willing to concede that she needed some more time and I think in hindsight we're both glad at the way things panned out. But I know some people who have had conversations like that and it didn't go that way. You know they had that conversation and it was like, okay, well, we just have a values misalignment and that's it, yeah, so that's it, yeah, so it's. It's scary. It's scary to have those big conversations, it's scary to put them on the table.
Speaker 1:Yes, and I think being willing to risk the relationship for something better means that you have to face those fears in some way, shape or form.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yep, in some way shape or form. Yeah, yep, it helps to have some ground rules in your relationship beforehand about how to address, how to bring these conversations up. And, like you know, do we have a? Do we have like a certain time or a place that we have these bigger conversations? Or, you know, do we have like a safe word? Do we have to, you know, get buy-in from the other person before we just dive in Like you don't want to have? I would tell you right now, if I walked in the door from work and my wife was like and just dumped a, like a big, scary thing on me, I wouldn't respond well, yeah, you know, if the kids are screaming in the other room, probably not going to go.
Speaker 1:Well, so that context matters. Yeah, I think you first need to contract with each other. Like I have something really important I need to share with you, is now a good time, you know, and then really go for what you want, be willing to face those fears, but do it with skill, do it with confidence, do it with love, um, with a you know, just a certainty that you are willing to risk the current kind of status quo to reach for something better for both of you, for both of you, yeah. So, yeah, I think in closing we'll close this episode out and just, you know, happy new year. I hope that everybody will really consider the state that their relationship is in. Are you walking around with resentment, you know? Are you feeling like roommates? Are you just partners working together to get the, the, the stuff of life, accomplished?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Or are you really passionate about each other, about your relationship, about the example you're setting for your kids? You know, do you get that fluttery feeling when your partner walks in the door? Do you want them to be happy? Do you love spending time with them? Do you get excited when you envision your future together? That's what you're going for and it's absolutely possible, but you have to be willing to. You have to be willing to risk it. You have to be willing to risk it. You have to be willing to say this is so important to me that I am going to face my fears and I'm going to come to you. I'm going to open my heart to you and I'm going to let you know that I want something to be different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it doesn't have to be one huge risk all at once. Like it can be baby steps, Like we and I know we talked in a previous episode. But risking your relationship doesn't necessarily mean you put the whole relationship on the line. It could just mean putting the relationship as it currently is on the line. Like my wife and I have spent the last couple of weeks prepping for the new year trying to just get organized, because we are sick of having a relationship or our family just kind of be a little chaotic. It's just been a chaotic couple of years and we want to be a little bit more structured and organized and and um and have our to-do lists ready to go and planned out and have our weekly marriage meetings again and like that. Is that a way, like an example, of saying like hey, the current version of our relationship is not working so great for us. Here's a little thing that we can do to get it to a better spot. So making those small incremental changes can also be a really great way to do that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so good. And if this episode piqued your interest, I want you to make sure that you join us next week, because we're going to be talking about not being able to be upset about something you haven't asked for, and in that episode, I'm going to give you a really powerful way to ask for the things that you want in your relationship. That's going to make your partner listen. That's going to give you the best probability of your partner saying, yes, I can do that or I can try and that, um, so that's what's coming next week. Uh, make sure you join us and thank you for spending this time with us. You're getting to know us a little bit better. We hope that you're having an awesome start to your new year and we hope that you will evaluate your relationship where it is now, what you're willing to risk for something better in the new year. I'll see you next time.