Marriage and Intimacy Tips for Christian Couples: Secrets of Happily Ever After
Have you ever wondered what makes the difference between those couples who absolutely LOVE to be together and the ones who merely tolorate each other in their old age? I always want to run up to the cute old couples who still hold hands while walking down the street and ask them all their secrets to relationship success. This podcast gives me the opportunity to do just that!
I'm Monica Tanner, wife to a super hunky man, mom to 4 kids, weekly podcaster and relationship and intimacy expert/enthusiast. I help couples ditch the resentment and roommate syndrome and increase communication, connection and commitment, so they can write and live out their happily ever after love story. If that sounds like something you want, this podcast is absolutely for YOU!
Each week, I'm teasing out the principles that keep couples hopelessly devoted and intoxicatingly in love with each other for a lifetime and beyond. I'm searching high and low for the secrets of happily ever after and sharing those secrets with you right here. Sound marriage advice for couples who want to live happily ever after and achieve a truly intimate friendship, because an awesome marriage makes life so much sweeter. Let's get to it!
Marriage and Intimacy Tips for Christian Couples: Secrets of Happily Ever After
Parenting and Partnership Adventures and an Announcement
Are you ready for a BIG Announcement and fun surprise?
Introducing my new co-host, Nate Bagley. Listen in as we reminisce about our first meeting at a Tennessee marketing conference and how his work with marriage legands like John and Julie Gottman first piqued my interest.
Nate shares his experiences as his life took an unexpected turn during the pandemic. Nate and his wife made the bold decision to relocate to Costa Rica for a period of time and learned so much there. Hear Nate's heartfelt reflections on prioritizing his marriage amidst the chaos of a world-wide pandemic and his growing family.
Parenting is a world unto itself, filled with both tender moments and unimaginable pressures. Hear the secret behind Nate's pink fingernails to the warmth of family traditions that make parenting rewarding. I share my woes about kids growing up and leaving home and we conclude that we must cherish every precious moment and show up for our marriage and family first and foremost.
We are excited to share more great content with you as this season of the Secrets of Happily Ever After Podast unfolds!!!
Hello everyone and welcome back to Secrets of Happily Ever After. I am so excited to introduce you today to my friend, nate Bagley. Like seriously, I've been giddy about this for a few weeks and if you have been listening to the podcast for any length of time, nate has been a guest several times. I met Nate. I'm just going to talk about you for a second. You can just sit there.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm here for it, talk away. Okay, I'm here for it, talk away.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I met Nate at a marketing conference in gosh. Was it 2000,? Either 2018 or 2019?
Speaker 2:It's been a while Around there. Yeah In like Tennessee.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it was in Tennessee.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:We were at a marketing conference. There we're learning all about marketing, which I could basically care less about. All I knew is I wanted to help people improve their marriages and Nate was there learning about marketing. I think you were a little more interested in marketing than I was, but you had been in the space for a long time. Like I was pretty new on the scene. I was like like I just want to help people have a happy marriage and you actually had, uh, been in the marriage space for a while. You had hosted an event with with John and Julie Gottman, which was really cool. I got to be a little teeny flyer.
Speaker 2:I did's right. You came to that.
Speaker 1:I did, I did. That's kind of where I was like, oh my gosh, nate Bagley.
Speaker 2:Like who gets, who brings the Gottmans to Utah? That actually might've been the first time we met. I'm pretty sure that's we met. We met there first, and then we went to the and then we saw each other at the event.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I think, I think, you're pretty sure. I think it was like I have to meet the man who bring, who brought John and Julie Gottman to Utah, so that was 2019.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think I heard you on a podcast. I think that's originally how I figured out who you were. I was like, okay, I really want to meet this guy and really want to meet John and Julie Gottman. So I drove myself down to Utah to that and then, yes, that's how we knew each other at the conference, okay, or at the marketing conference.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Very cool. So, anyways, and then what happened was you.
Speaker 2:I mean, you did so much with growth, marriage, and you were podcasting, and you had a program for, I think, mostly women, right, yeah, we did the Epic Wives experiment, which was really successful, and I had a kind of a thing for for couples called the Epic Marriage Club, where they would get like monthly simple, super simple but high return activities to do on a weekly basis and yeah there's tons of little courses and workshops and and resources to help people have thriving relationships and kind of get out of that roommate rut.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, which is how we really connected, because I yeah, very similar vibes. Yes, yes, so yeah. And then I feel like at some point maybe you can dive into this a little bit. You kind of pulled out of the marriage space and broke my heart, but you started having cute little baby girls.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That I think kind of took over your brain space.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So we moved. We moved to Costa Rica during COVID, my wife and I, and it was in large part because COVID was just a really stressful time for us. So before that, before COVID hit, my wife was a nurse full-time and I was working full-time on this marriage business and it was a lot of fun. I was really enjoying life and she was really enjoying life and she loved her job and I loved my job.
Speaker 2:And then COVID hit and a lot of the events I was putting on we couldn't do those anymore and so that was a bit of a struggle. We were doing these events called date nights, where couples would come and we'd rent out like a big auditorium and we would do some entertainment, like a comedian or a magic show or something really cool, and then we'd also have like a bunch of prizes and fun activities. And then there was always like a learning piece where people would learn like one thing about how to have a healthier, happier relationship, and the goal was to kind of replace the dinner and a movie thing for like about the same cost as dinner and a movie. They could come do this instead and it would take up about the same amount of time and they would walk away feeling more in love and more connected. And it was like a really fun series that we had built up for a while and it just had to end because COVID hit and it kind of it kind of climaxed with the John and Julie Gottman event. That was in like November of 2019, or September, october, like in the fall of 2019. And then 2020, like February. That's when COVID hit and you know we had had plans to even potentially go do a tour with John and Julie Gottman, a book tour across the country, and it all just fell apart. So it was really disappointing.
Speaker 2:So COVID hits, we all get, you know, quarantined and my wife gets pregnant and she's working as an ICU nurse and she's seeing like the worst cases of COVID and we still don't know the implications that COVID could have on a pregnancy. It was very, we were very anxious and very worried that we might lose our baby. We'd already had one miscarriage and got to the point where my wife was like seven, eight months pregnant and she's working like in the ICU with four patients, which should not be allowed. And you know I was coming home just sobbing at night. It's just like I can't do this. I can't do this. And so we ended up deciding. You know, she had the baby, had some really rough postpartum depression, afterwards started going back to work and it was obvious that she was like mustering up all the energy that she could to go to work. And then in the days between her long ICU shifts because we were still in the middle of COVID she was just like barely surviving at home, just trying to rebuild herself. And so, you know, I just kind of looked at her one day and I said, look, we need to break out of this cycle, we need to get out of here. So if you could quit your job and move anywhere in the world, where would you want to go? And she said Costa Rica.
Speaker 2:And we had some friends the previous year who had moved to Costa Rica for a year and kind of showed us that it was how, how possible, it was looking for a place to stay and within a few weeks we'd found somewhere. And then a few weeks after that, within a few months, we had gotten rid of like kind of emptied out our house and put everything in storage and found somebody to come rent out our house while we were gone and we took off and we moved to Costa Rica and it was a really interesting journey. It was really beautiful and and wonderful in a lot of ways and the weather was incredible and it was a good place to be to heal, um, but also the pace of life in in in Costa Rica, the momentum there is much slower than it is in the United States and that has a really amazing benefits. But it also, uh, it feels like the the tidal wave of stuff that that the momentum of life here was preventing. We, we, we had this momentum that was preventing us from having to face this tidal wave of stuff that the momentum of life here was preventing. We had this momentum that was preventing us from having to face this tidal wave of stuff behind us. And then, when we were forced to slow down in Costa Rica, it was like this wave came up behind us and just went and we had to address stuff.
Speaker 2:And that was the hard part of Costa Rica is kind of reinventing who we are and dealing with these major life changes Like now we're parents of this little baby and what does that mean for us and dealing with like mental health conversations that you know we found out that Angeline was dealing with some really big mental health struggles and how do we get her the support that she needs, especially with the postpartum depression and things like that, and you know the list goes on and on. So it was like a really healing and really a good good and I was able to singularly focus on doing marriage stuff while we were there and it was really great trip. And then after about a year we decided we were going to come home and the day we got home was the day that we found out that we were pregnant with our second baby. And that's the moment we kind of realized that life as we had known it was about to change, because with just one kid, you know, angeline could still work full time and on her days when she was working I could take care of the baby, but now our baby was getting bigger and turning into a toddler and she needed days when she was working I could take care of the baby, but now our baby was getting bigger and turning into a toddler and she needed a little bit more care.
Speaker 2:And having another baby was going to put Angela out of commission again and I had to kind of. We needed insurance and we needed a steady paycheck, which my business you know anytime you're an entrepreneur. You know anytime you're an entrepreneur, especially at a really small company, it the income is, um, unpredictable sometimes. And you know we're still kind of dealing. We were still kind of dealing with COVID and I was trying to figure out what to do with the business and so I just decided I would go back to work full-time and get our get ourselves a consistent paycheck and insurance and provide for the family that way and basically since then I've been in survival mode and we've just been dealing with.
Speaker 2:Uh, we've had more tragedy and chaos and stress in our life in the last, I would say, two years than than my entire life combined. It's just been a really essentially, especially since we went to Costa Rica about three years ago. Just the last couple of years have been tough. So I have, I have missed having these conversations. There's probably a way longer summary than what you wanted, but that's what's happened to me. For those of you who may have, like, followed the podcast or been on my newsletter or just, like you know, had tabs on me from the past and wondered like what the heck? Where did Nate go? Where did Angeline go? What are they doing? Why did they go into this deep, dark cave and just disappear on us? It's, you know, it's cause we're dealing, we're just it's been a hard couple of years so.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Well, I feel like I've just kind of been waiting in the wings, kind of you know, ready for you whenever you were ready to return to the marriage space, because I feel like you left a big hole there, Nate.
Speaker 2:Oh, appreciate it. That is very kind of you to say and I miss it a lot and hopefully recording these little podcast episodes can be a way for me to start re-emerging and getting back into the swing of things.
Speaker 1:I hope so too, and I have a very serious question for you now that you've gone through that whole thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:If you're watching this on YouTube which meant some of you might be you might be wondering why Nate you?
Speaker 2:don't know about this, don't you? Yeah, so here's the story. We have Aurora, our four-year-old daughter, um is really into treats.
Speaker 1:Oh.
Speaker 2:And so Halloween was just the best thing in the world for her. She was so excited to have a giant bucket of treats and we were trying to figure out how do we help her learn responsibility around treat consumption Cause uh, anyway, she just would eat treats all day if she could. Um. And so we've tried a lot. We tried a lot of different things, and it got to the point where she was waking up every morning and the first question that came out of her mouth was can I have a treat? Can I have a treat? Can I have a treat?
Speaker 2:And so my wife heard about this thing called the switch which, and the switch which comes a couple of days after Halloween and she takes all your candy and leaves money behind, and then you can go to the store and buy a prize. And we were ready to get rid of the candy. So we implemented the Switch Witch and she went to the store and she was so excited to buy some pink fingernail polish and got home and her first thing she wanted to do was paint daddy's fingernails and I will never say no to my four-year-old if she wants to play with me and so I have pink fingernails now.
Speaker 1:I love it. I love it.
Speaker 2:Thanks to the Switch Witch.
Speaker 1:Hey, the Switch Witch is awesome. I love that lesson it's a little shocking. Well, it's fun.
Speaker 2:I don't know if you have to go to work with your pink fingernails, but I have been at work this week and every day somebody sees it and goes what's going on with your hands? And it's especially weird when I'm like eating and I look down I'm like, oh, like who's whose dainty feminine hand is that? Oh, that's mine, that's my dainty feminine hand oh, I love it.
Speaker 1:Well, give us a little bit of update on the two baby girls and angie yeah, um ang is doing great.
Speaker 2:She's working as a nurse again just once every pay period, once every two weeks, so she's kind of getting her fix, but in a much less stressful environment and, um, in a much less demanding situation. And Aurora's four and Millie's almost two and they're just doing great. They're both really into Waldo right now. We love reading Where's Waldo together and doing art and playing. And the other thing they really love doing right now is hiding and scaring us. So when they hear the garage door come up they always hide and then we have to walk in and try to find them and then they jump out and and scare us and it's just the best. So I'm I'm really trying to soak up these years when they're young, even though that it's really stressful, I know, I mean every day. I just I'm almost on the verge of tears just realizing how fast it goes and I'm trying to just really enjoy these special, special moments.
Speaker 2:That's smart, I was snuggling with Aurora last night and she leaned over and whispered in my ear. She said can I tell you a secret? And I said yeah, you can tell me a secret. And she said I really like rainbow donuts and I love it. Like we have this little tradition where every Sunday we wake up and go get rainbow donuts together at the store and I just love that. That's. I just love her, so I love my kids.
Speaker 1:I always remember that I love my wife yeah so good. Well, yeah, I mean, wait till they start growing up and leaving and trying to decide what they're going to do after high school.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Right now we're just happy to make it through the day without a potty accident and make sure nobody gets scratched in the face and make sure we're having a decent nighttime routine. Those are the big wins at our house right now.
Speaker 1:So good, so good. Well, I am really really excited to be recording these podcast episodes with you. I think this is really fun. We both have just a really big, passionate heart for marriage and we're both at very different places in our lives. You are in the very throes of young parenthood and I'm like on the other end of the spectrum, where I'm like about to start meeting my kids' spouses.
Speaker 2:Yeah, empty nesters around the corner.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, I still have a few more years.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but your kids are mostly independent. It's getting to that kind of. You're getting that taste.
Speaker 1:But yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm noticing right now, just listening to myself, how different I am from when, just I think back five years ago, and I think I was a lot more energetic and altruistic and I feel more um, apathetic is not the right word Uh, cause I definitely care deeply, but I feel more worn down, um, and I'm realizing now that the enthusiasm that I brought into the marriage conversation as you know, a single guy, or as a newlywed, or even as like somebody who'd been married for quite a few years but didn't have toddlers, like man kids, take a lot out of you and they and they, they also infuse a lot into you and it's like they require a lot, especially at a young age, a lot of attention and they require a lot of investment. And what I've noticed is that this might be something we can talk about at some point. My anxiety levels have just risen so much. I am so worried all the time.
Speaker 1:Oh, we should talk about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just been a. It's been a real eye opener to me to just be constantly worried about their safety and about their wellbeing and about are we giving them the opportunities that we need and am I parenting them the right way and how? You know, there's just so much more when you love somebody in that way and you're responsible for them in that way. I just think that sense of responsibility has weighed more heavily on me than I anticipated and, yeah, I think that's a big source of my tiredness. So just want to be a good dad, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Well, I'd love to coach you on that in another episode. I think that would be that would be fun. But yeah, I mean, I think I'm hoping that this will give you the opportunity to kind of reignite some of that you know, passion about marriage and like the wisdom that you've gained through all of it. I think it all, it informs you right.
Speaker 1:Like I mean for sure as a as a single guy, you know, you don't know what you don't know. And as a newlywed, you don't know what you don't know. And then a father of two energetic little girls.
Speaker 2:Now you're like oh yep, it's a whole different chapter, a whole different ball game when people are like, like how?
Speaker 1:do we go on date nights, we have these little children and, yeah, I think we're speaking from different places of experience now and I think all of the challenges are definitely. I mean, I think they accrue to more empathy, to more empathy, more knowledge and wisdom to kind of make us more well-rounded marriage enthusiasts. All righty. Well, we let's wrap it up, but, nate, I'm like so, so, so excited that you have agreed to do this with me. I think whatever contribution you are able to make is going to be awesome. I think my audience is going to love you and if you are excited about these episodes and learning more from Nate, please, please, please, find us on social media, comment, respond to respond to emails, let us know what you, if you're enjoying these episodes and Nate's contribution, and we will make sure that you're getting more of Nate on this podcast.
Speaker 2:You're so sweet, appreciate it.
Speaker 1:All right. Well, my computer just popped up and notice that says my desk space is almost full, so that means it's time to end this episode.
Speaker 2:Okay, sounds good.
Speaker 1:All right, we'll talk to you real soon.
Speaker 2:Bye.
Speaker 1:Bye-bye.