Marriage and Intimacy Tips for Christian Couples: Secrets of Happily Ever After
Have you ever wondered what makes the difference between those couples who absolutely LOVE to be together and the ones who merely tolorate each other in their old age? I always want to run up to the cute old couples who still hold hands while walking down the street and ask them all their secrets to relationship success. This podcast gives me the opportunity to do just that!
I'm Monica Tanner, wife to a super hunky man, mom to 4 kids, weekly podcaster and relationship and intimacy expert/enthusiast. I help couples ditch the resentment and roommate syndrome and increase communication, connection and commitment, so they can write and live out their happily ever after love story. If that sounds like something you want, this podcast is absolutely for YOU!
Each week, I'm teasing out the principles that keep couples hopelessly devoted and intoxicatingly in love with each other for a lifetime and beyond. I'm searching high and low for the secrets of happily ever after and sharing those secrets with you right here. Sound marriage advice for couples who want to live happily ever after and achieve a truly intimate friendship, because an awesome marriage makes life so much sweeter. Let's get to it!
Marriage and Intimacy Tips for Christian Couples: Secrets of Happily Ever After
Reviving Romance and Intimacy with Dating Coach Julie Balkman
For ongoing relational support and skill building, check out the Passionate Marriage Club here --> https://monicatanner.com/club
Learn to live with it and like it, even love it, or I can leave it. That's it. Those are my choices.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's. It's so true. You always, you always have choices. You may not like your choices, but they're always there.
Speaker 2:Have you ever wondered what makes the difference between those couples who absolutely love to be together and the ones who merely tolerate each other in their old age? Hi, I'm Monica Tanner, wife to a super hunky man, mom to four kids, relationship coach and intimacy expert. My goal with this podcast is to help you and your partner swap resentment for romance, escape the roommate rut and nurture a bond built on trust, communication and unconditional love. Each week, I'm sharing the secret strategies that keep couples madly in love, dedicated and downright giddy about each other, from the honeymoon phase to the golden years. I'm on a mission to craft the code of happily ever after, and I'm sharing those juicy secrets right here, because an awesome marriage makes life so much sweeter. Let's get to it.
Speaker 2:Hello and welcome to the secrets of happily ever after podcast. I'm your host, monica Tanner, and I'm excited to interview my new friend, julie Bachman. She is a certified life coach and dating expert. She offers one-on-one coaching packages and loves to speak to audience of all sizes about the dating map and about living joyfully. She's known for helping people get out of the dating game and into real relationships. That last. I'm really excited for our conversation today and I want to bring it into the importance of not just dating before you're married but also continuing that courting process after marriage. So, hey, julie, how you doing, I'm great, I'm happy to be here, so good. Well, let's start with your professional specialty, which is dating. What do you think are the two most important things to look for in a partner when you are dating?
Speaker 1:Well, to preface that, I would say that everyone's values, preferences, requirements and deal breakers matter and those things are important and those things will change with time and life experience, absolutely agree the two things that I say to look for in a potential partner and remember that if you want to be a potential partner, or if you are, you would start with you.
Speaker 1:And those two things are someone who is willing to be wrong Ask yourself, am I willing to be wrong? And the second one is someone who is willing to learn and grow with you.
Speaker 2:So good. Yes, that's so important. Do you want to like elaborate on being willing to be wrong, like, how do you know if somebody is willing to be wrong and how do you know if someone's willing to grow with you?
Speaker 1:Okay, examples of someone who's willing to be wrong, someone who can say the words I was wrong and own it. And I don't know about you, but over my lifetime I have learned the words I'm sorry from the time I was a tiny kid and those two words have so many meanings and they've become sort of overused and trite and that exchanging I'm sorry with I was wrong and then telling how you were wrong just tends to carry more meaning and more maturity. Another way to be wrong is to recognize when you have expectations of another person, like wanting them to be different than who they are, or a situation to be different than how it really is. That's like saying two plus two is five. It just doesn't work, it's not true, it's not reality. And if you can come to that, like you know, dropping what you think it should be and accept what is, that's a way to be like oh, I was wrong, it's not what I thought it would be.
Speaker 1:And then go from there. It just it's a happier place to be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I'm I made a mistake is also a great statement to be able to make, Like if you're late or, you know if, if you interpreted something wrong, maybe overreacted, something like that, like I made a mistake, is a very humble phrase.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely, and if you say that and then you own it, you're giving the relationship, whoever you're talking to, really the opportunity to connect with you, because we're all humans and we all make mistakes.
Speaker 2:So good, so good. Well, what are a few things that people can do while dating to set themselves up for success in married life?
Speaker 1:Hmm, okay. Well, this is what I do and what I love. I teach people that if you play the dating game while you're dating and it gets you to marriage, you will then take the game into the marriage and it's not sustainable. It doesn't really lead you to a real relationship, because dating game is a way to win someone over that creates more of a what I call a fake or imitation relationship. So, for success in married life, I would say get out of the dating game, because a lot of people will say, yeah, but I'm not dating, like well, you're still in the game and you're doing it while married. And then my second one would be don't date out of obligation. I think that, well, I tell everyone this whether you're single or married, don't go on a date if you don't want to date, because no one wants to go on a date with you, including your spouse, if you don't want to be there.
Speaker 2:Explain to me what the dating game is, because I didn't. I feel like it had a negative connotation, but I didn't understand. What is the dating game?
Speaker 1:Okay, the game, yes. So most of us can relate to this. The game is pretending, performing, lying or telling the half truth. It's waiting, guessing, assuming. It's critiquing, analyzing, evaluating someone else and with that it's really measuring someone else and thinking about how they make you feel, versus caring about how they feel. So the game is more self-centric. It feeds anxiety, frustration and confusion, and when I talk to single people who come to me for help and support when it comes to dating, they want confidence, and the game never leads to that because it's leading to more confusion and emptiness and you're never sure how the other person really feels and you never tell how you really feel. So is that kind of just off the top of my head?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I think you're saying kind of putting on a front or a show, or maybe what I like to say is self-abandoning in order to maybe impress this person that you're dating or to kind of fit in with them better or to make them like you, or something like that.
Speaker 1:Yes, I love that Self-abandoning in order to win someone over. And then when they like you, wow, you've got it made. And if they make you happy, you make them happy, well, we should get married. And then you get married and you realize, like I can't keep up this facade and neither can they. And now we're both disappointed because the person we married isn't what we thought they were, or marriage wasn't what we thought it would be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think there is some level of that in all. But I think if you can minimize that absolutely, if you can show up authentically and you can allow the person that you're dating to see all sides of you Because, yeah, when you get married it's really hard to hide behind some image that you think and some people actually do get away with that for a very long time.
Speaker 2:They kind of hide who they really are, but at some point you've got a lot of resentment and finally, you know you kind of have to just be who you are and I think that's different than changing and growing and, you know, having new perspectives over time in marriage, because that absolutely will happen. And a lot of couples come to me and they're like you know, I was duped, like I married this person and now you know, 20 years later they're nothing like the person that I married and this is not what I agreed to, right. So there's a difference between, you know, kind of putting up a front when you're dating and then truly versus truly changing and growing, developing over time.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:I totally agree, but there has to be room for that. So I think that goes back to your earlier answer is you know, will they change and grow with you? Because you know, the only constant in life is change. We are all growing and changing and adding perspective and you definitely, 20 years later, are not going to be married to the same person that you fell in love with. You have to just fall in love with them all along the way and that is a choice. That's I teach that a lot is. It is a choice to continue to fall in love with the person that you married in every single version and iteration of them. Right, yeah, oh, absolutely yes. So why do you say that freedom is your highest value and the only thing that matters?
Speaker 1:Well, it's the only thing that matters to me, because it's the umbrella over all the other things that matter.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:So, yes, freedom is my highest value when it comes to relationships, because it can only be a real relationship if I am freely choosing it and if I am free to be myself. And I think that one of the most loving things you can do for your spouse is to honor their freedom to choose, and I would say that it's better than knowing their attachment style or their love language.
Speaker 2:Agreed, and that goes back to what we're talking about. Like I teach laws of connection, and one of the laws is that your partner's only job is to be themselves. Right, in fact, we think that we can, you know, control our partner into behaving the way we want them to. I think a lot of us grow up thinking that right, and and a lot of us go to great lengths to try and control our partner, their behavior. We do it with our emotions and we do it with brute force sometimes, which is definitely dangerous, but in reality we don't have any control over our partner. They always have freedom and you always have freedom. It's just whether or not you're allowing that freedom to rule the relationship or if you're trying really hard to control things that you can't control.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, and I've been there and I've done that and I continue to learn. When I do still try to do that. I think that I was under the notion that if I did all the things that God wanted me to do, then God would change my husband. Yeah, that's really interesting to sort of control the situation or him through living righteously and praying intensely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, such a great point. I mean, absolutely we can control, you know our prayers and you know what we ask for and things like that, but I don't necessarily think God is going to control our spouse through our righteousness. That's a. That's a. I think that's very common and very true and and very discouraging, right when we realize that nobody, not even God, can take away our spouse's agency.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he loves us. I believe God loves us enough to honor the gift that he gave us, which is the gift of choice.
Speaker 2:So good, which goes back to your freedom, is the most important thing.
Speaker 1:Freedom yes, I love that.
Speaker 2:So let's change gears and talk about the three elements of happiness. How do we create happiness?
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, this is what I teach. It's the foundation of everything, and the three elements that I teach are feeling loved, being loving and being responsible.
Speaker 2:Do you want to elaborate on each of those three things?
Speaker 1:Sure, starting with love, I tell most of my clients the most dangerous way to date is without it. Imagine that you're going on a date or you come home to your spouse and you're not feeling loved. Your love bucket is empty and you're relying on another person to fill it up, and that person may not be capable maybe never or maybe just in that moment but that if you go to the element of responsibility, you can take responsibility for filling your love bucket by simply choosing to become a receiver of love and not putting all of that requirement on one person in your life, needing them to like you or fill you up, rather than you being responsible for your happiness. And I wouldn't call this self-love. I really need to like explain it. I think in a way that's not self-love, because I don't believe that you can give yourself what you don't have. So where do you get the love if your spouse or your date isn't gonna fill your love bucket?
Speaker 1:And I teach a lot about becoming a receiver of love. I believe that there's love all around us and that we simply need to open up to it. And it comes from other people, it comes from nature, it comes from God, and that love is love. I often use the example of like. I tune into the love that's around me by reminding myself that happiness is now, right now. And then I notice what is there to be happy about. And then I receive it. Thank you for the gift. And when someone does something for me, I focus on receiving what they gave rather than feeling like I need to give back now. A lot of us, and especially in marriage, we have like a setup where we're in this trading relationship Like he gave something, now I need to give something. Commonly, we hear like I love you, and then the next person says I love you too. And it's that trade and it almost like cancels each other out rather than like and I still do that.
Speaker 2:So I was gonna say I always say I love you more. Yeah, and that's a good point.
Speaker 1:I'm one of them, I and I love you more than that. We're now in a competition, yes, but I think that we all kind of naturally respond that way. But if we could pause and receive what the person said, like sometimes not every time when my husband tells me he loves me, I receive it by saying I feel that, or I love to hear it, or I just look at him and smile, I'm like, and he knows I'm receiving. So those are some examples of many on how to become a receiver of love, and as you fill up with love, then it's very natural that you will also be a giver, and as you give, you also receive the love.
Speaker 2:How you taking the intimacy level quiz? Yet If not, you absolutely should. All you have to do is go to monnekatannercom backslash quiz and take a three minute quiz. At the end, I'll tell you what level of intimacy you and your spouse are at and I'll give you next steps to be able to increase your intimacy. Regardless of what level you're at, you can always make improvements. So do yourself a favor and go to monnekatannercom backslash quiz and learn about your level of intimacy and how to improve it.
Speaker 2:I like that a lot. I think it's really important. A very important skill in marriage is learning to fill your own cup, because I think a lot of us walk around needing things from other people and it makes us desperate, and then, instead of making requests, we're taking from the people around us, and especially our spouse, and so one of the most important kind of as we mature lessons that we have to learn is you are responsible for your own happiness, like I'm the only one that can make myself happy, like my spouse can't do it, my kids can't do it, my friends can't do it. Of course, they can be kind to me and they can serve me and they can share their love with me, but I'm the only one that, like you said, can choose to receive that love or get my own needs met when I need things.
Speaker 2:It's like I see, the biggest disappointments that people have is they have these expectations of each other to fill each other's cup or to make each other happy. I used to mope around and think I had this the worst day ever, and it was my husband's job to come home and make it better. Like somehow he was my prince charming and he had this magical power. He was just gonna make everything okay for me, and it wasn't until I realized that, wait a second, I'm totally giving away all my power here, like I can make everything okay for myself and then I can just love my husband when he comes home, no matter what he does, because I don't need him to do anything for me to feel happy and complete and love and whole right, and so that's something we work a lot with in our work.
Speaker 1:Yes, exactly, and I realized that part of being responsible for my happiness is to understand my own needs. And then it was okay to establish a relationship where I could go to someone and say like I really need help or I really need support here. When I was, you know, when I signed up for life coaching, I was going through divorce and I had one close friend who was kind of a listening ear for all things, and then I had three life coaches, yeah, and when I I mean I was completely empty. I was like operating in the negative numbers of emptiness and I realized like I can go to people who are capable of loving me. And in my situation going through divorce, there were many who could not because they were also going through the grief and suffering of like what was happening with me and didn't want it to happen, or for whatever it was.
Speaker 1:I knew that they loved me, but when it came to what I was going through, many people could not be there to support and you know, help me and that it was my responsibility to find that support where I could find it, where you know people were capable of loving me and I knew that they were.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's such a great gift I think we can give to ourselves and to those around us is to ask for exactly what we need. It takes a little extra work, right? So sometimes, when my husband you know if I'm, like you know, feeling anxious about something or whatever it's like, I can be so helpful to my husband to just tell him what I need. Like, hey, can you just hold me for a minute, like I'm really nervous about this interview or whatever it is right, and like, instead of just saying I'm really nervous about this interview and expect him to know what I need, it's so much kinder to myself and to him If I just say I'm really nervous about this interview. Can you just hold me for a second and tell me I'm gonna do great and it doesn't count any less because I told him what I needed. It probably counts more because then I'm gonna get it, yeah, so yeah, that's an important If he has it to give freely.
Speaker 1:But the beauty of it is that you're not trying to guess or assume whether he does or not. As a receiver of love, you ask for it. Would you be willing to hold me? That's so beautiful. It's a gift that you're giving to yourself and him and then he gets to choose. Like I'm completely empty, I had a terrible day at work, I'm scared to death because whatever, and I just can't be here for you right now, and that's. I think that many people would be like well then, I can't ever ask you again and would be like no, this is an open, honest relationship and we are two human beings that you know we're being responsible for our happiness. Yeah, he can't give me what I need right now, but I can't ask someone else.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. So many important concepts we're talking about right here. So most of the people listening to this podcast are married already, and so I want to ask you, as a dating expert, what are some of the most important aspects of dating that you can and should take with you into the marriage relationship and never discontinue?
Speaker 1:Okay, well, the top thing I teach what we just discussed, which was always be a receiver of love, and that that love will naturally spill over into giving.
Speaker 1:You don't need to, like, make a conscious effort or a list of things to do. This is a natural result of feeling loved. The other thing would be to always be a decision maker, and within a marriage that's really hard to do because often we lean on our spouse to make decisions, or we kind of try to read the other person to see, like, what are they thinking or what do they want, for obvious reasons, like maybe I don't want to hurt their feelings, or maybe they won't agree with me, or whatever it is. And I think that if you stand in this label, label yourself I'm a decision maker, and then, within a marriage, be informative and inclusive rather than ask permission or make vague hints. And that applies to every dating person and in every marriage relationship. For sure, I'm a receiver of love and I'm a decision maker. And that doesn't mean I decide outside of this relationship and I just do my own thing, but that, like I believe, a relationship is two independent people independently choosing each other.
Speaker 2:Very good yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's that. And then I have, like you know, seven things to keep yourself out of fear and frustration and confusion, and then I call it the big three. You definitely want the big three to take from your dating and to continue in your marriage relationship.
Speaker 2:So what are the big three?
Speaker 1:Big three. Top one learning how to be open and honest.
Speaker 2:Very good.
Speaker 1:Communication is and I have a little thing that I do with people. It's really helped me. I call it the CCQ clear, concise and quick. So can I say this, can I communicate openly and honestly in like two sentences, maybe three, and then that eliminates a ton of confusion and frustration right there, because you're going to have to distill it down so that it's really easy to understand and you're going to say it in a tone that's lovely, so open and honest, huge.
Speaker 1:The next one gratitude. It goes without saying, and I really believe in the practice of intense gratitude when it comes to reflecting on the person you're married to and that will show up on dates, especially like, maybe open and honest about the date, if we want to go on the date, what we want to do on the date, where we want to go eat, and on and on and on. And the last one is dropping expectations, which you have already talked about. Disappointments will lead you to disappointment and resentment and that if you can drop them and just be open to what is this person, this date, this experience, this trial, whatever it is, you're open to what is rather than how you think it should have been or should be.
Speaker 2:Yes, so good, so so good. Oh, we could talk forever on this, I'm certain. So so tell me, where do married couples go wrong when it comes to the way they either continue or choose to stop dating each other?
Speaker 1:I believe it's wrong to view dating as an obligation. Don't go on a date if you don't want to and align your decisions with what you ultimately desire. So if you don't want to date your spouse or go on the date, don't go first See if you can get yourself from I don't want to to I actually do want to. And how you do that is you consider what you ultimately desire and then you align with that.
Speaker 2:Okay. So if I'm feeling like I don't want to date my spouse?
Speaker 1:so.
Speaker 2:I do have clients that come to me and they'll say you know, I'm planning all these dates and doing all these things and flirting and building anticipation and my spouse doesn't ever want to go do anything. What do I do?
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, well, that's information about your spouse and you know, I would start with a C, c, q, of, like I teach this thing called define the relationship daily or daily, so DTRD, okay, it is really important. So you would define how you feel I love you, I care about you, I want to spend time with you, I want to date you, yeah, and I'm planning dates and you're not wanting to go and I feel confused. So then you know, you allow this person to come forward and be like, well, I don't like anything you're planning.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:And that at least that's honest.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. Or I don't want to spend time with you. I feel like that you don't care about me, or I'm just too tired. Whatever it is, you listen, listen, listen. You learn about your spouse and then you take that in. This is information information about my spouse and about my marriage. What will I do with that information? Well, I can live with it and hate it, which I'm probably doing now, or I can learn to live with it and like it, even love it, or I can leave it. That's it. Those are my choices.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's, it's so true. You always have choices. You may not like your choices, but they're always there. Oh, so good, all right. Last question If you had the undivided attention of all the married couples in all the world for just a few moments, what is the most important thing you could teach them about dating their partners?
Speaker 1:Oh, that it's not a chore. Make it fun and desirable or get help. I have some suggestions that might help. Do you want to hear them? Absolutely Okay. One thing that my husband and I love. We've been married for seven years and we like getting to know you games and questions so we keep them in the car and go on picnics and, just like at dinnertime, we pull these questions up and after seven years and a couple of years before that, really getting to know each other before we got married, we're still learning things about each other. And what it does is it produces connection, the ability to freely communicate and talk about oneself without judgment and, most importantly, laughter. Usually it's funny. So I'm just going to show you some of these. These are tune in and tune up card game. Most of us have heard about this one Big Talk, the Un-Game. Oh fun.
Speaker 1:And I love this book we keep it in the car. 4,000 questions for getting to know anyone and everyone. 4,000 questions. We love these, and the last one I was going to show you is Esther Perrell's game. Where Should we Begin?
Speaker 2:Fun. I've never heard of a lot of those, so that's really fun. And then the 4,000 question who is the author of that? Well, the author is.
Speaker 1:Barbara Ann Kipfer.
Speaker 2:No, kipfer, kipfer got it. We'll link some of those resources because that is really fun, and I think that we should always be getting to know our partner because we're always changing and growing and it's I think it's the saddest thing when a couple thinks that they know everything there is to know about each other, because on any given day I'm learning new things, I'm talking to new people, I'm discovering things that I didn't even know about myself. So how on earth would my partner know it about me? Right? And so that curiosity piece of my husband and I've been married for 22,.
Speaker 2:Well, we've been married for 21 years, but we've known each other for a couple years before that, and I still. Sometimes he tells me a story about his childhood or something and I thought I had no idea not only that that happened to you, but how it shaped you, how you've overcome it. You know all of these things. So getting to know our spouse all the time is such an important I mean, I don't think you could ever be married long enough to know everything there is to know about each other.
Speaker 1:Yes, I agree, and it increases intimacy, and we've also noticed that it is the source of many private jokes.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And private jokes are the best they are. It's a way for you to develop your own little language of humor and just you wink and you know you both, know you both and love that.
Speaker 1:And another suggestion is that it's really helpful and connecting to read a book together. So go on a picnic, go to the car, go to your bedroom, whatever. And we usually go over this time limit, but we always limit it to 10 minutes because 10 minutes is so doable. We actually set a timer 10 minutes. Here's our book, and one of our favorite books that we read together is called Flint F-L-I-P-P-E-D, and it's by a woman named Wendellin Van Drainen and it's about a boy and a girl and they're each writing their perspectives and the girl writes a chapter and then the boy writes a chapter and it's alternating, and so the guy reads the boy's part, the girl reads the girl's part and the person who's reading aloud gets a foot rub.
Speaker 2:Oh wow, Is this something you invented? Or it tells you to do this in the book.
Speaker 1:It doesn't tell you to do this in the book, I just invented it. I like that. Okay, it's fun to read aloud and you know some people are uncomfortable reading aloud, and that's even better because you get to be uncomfortable with the person you are married to. It's good practice. Maybe you don't know how to give a foot rub. This is how you learn. Maybe you feel weird about receiving a foot rub. Well, maybe you could ask for a hand or shoulder or whatever. It's so fun. But then my last thing would be that maybe, especially in a marriage, you don't call it a date, you call it a picnic. We're going on a picnic or we're going on an adventure, and I like adventure, it's you should be always going on adventures.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's, I don't know what it is. There's a lot. It's a big difference between between the word date and adventure.
Speaker 2:So that might be something to try. If your, if your spouse is maybe resistant to dating, or something like that, you could be like, okay, well, we're going to go on a weekly adventure and maybe that would be different. Maybe you could even choose a different word, but I do like that suggestion, because going out on weekly date nights is probably overused. But I have my suspicions because it's so important. But there might be somebody who's like, oh, that's so cliche, that's not the answer, or whatever. But so maybe you reframe it and call it something different that you both would get more excited about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or each time you go out together, do anything, you call it something else. Like a lot of people, myself included, if I'm calling in a date and I'm with my husband, we're going out to dinner Okay, or lunch, whatever it involves a meal and so take some question cards with you yeah, now shake it up, or you know? Another thing I think is important when dating your spouse actually in doing anything with your spouse is being clear about who is the leader. When it comes to going out on Thursday night, you know we have a plan that we're going to go out. Who's in charge here? And you're welcome. Whoever the leader is is welcome to involve their partner in like the plan, but someone is in charge.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like that. That's a good way to make sure that both voices are being heard and respected, and yeah.
Speaker 1:Yes, because sometimes I think that, like my husband and I will like have a plan in our head and then, metaphorically, it's if we walk in opposite directions and then we stop and look over our shoulder like, wait, where are you going? Right, and it's like, oh well, we don't. You know, we didn't communicate and we don't know who's in charge, who's making the decision. We often do a scale thing like, hey, I feel like going to this place and you feel like going to that place. Well, on a scale of one to 10, how important is it to you? Well, it's like a 10 for me to go to McDonald's and he's like a six for Taco Bell. And so he's like, well, you know what? It's not as important to me. And I think I can like just, I love you so much and you're a 10 and let's go here. Yeah, that's kind of how we measure.
Speaker 1:But someone's, someone's got a lead and I I talk with many people newlyweds, engaged people that talk to me about driving. I don't like the way she drives or he drives, and it's an easy metaphor that's so relatable in real life. That's like oh well, the driver is the leader and the driver gets to decide. If you don't like it. You can make a loving request Would you be willing to slow down? Would you be willing to not read your text messages while driving, or whatever it is? You can make a request of the leader, but the driver is the leader and if you really can't handle it then you switch or you get out and call an Uber so that you're saving your marriage from that resentment and hatred and bitterness and contempt and all the things that rise up because you don't like the way they did it. Honor the person who's leading or make requests or get out of the car.
Speaker 2:Yeah, very good, I love it. Where can my listeners find you and learn more about what you teach and talk about?
Speaker 1:Oh well, you can go to my website, juliebulkmancoachingcom. On the resource tabs, I have some freebies and one of them is a downloadable PDF that you could print and it's kind of cute. I had my graphic design, son design it, and it says happiness is now, right now, and it will help you focus on becoming a receiver of love. Another place to find me is on Instagram. I'm pretty active there, lifecoachjuli and I love it when people reach out to me and ask questions and I'd be happy to talk to anyone. I love it. I love this podcast and I'm really happy to be here. So thank you.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, thank you for spending time with us and we will follow along your adventures. Thank you so much, julie. If you had as much fun as we did just now, I hope that you'll head over to your favorite podcast player and leave a rating and review for the show or share it on social media. That's how other people can find this awesome content and we can spread the message that happily ever after is possible. Feel free to check out my website, monnecatannercom, to find out more ways you can work with me and, as always, thank you so much for spending this time with me. We'll see you next week.