Marriage and Intimacy Tips for Christian Couples: Secrets of Happily Ever After

Mastering the Balancing Act of Marriage and Business with Kyle and Ariel Tresch

• Monica Tanner, Kyle Tresch, Ariel Tresch • Season 3 • Episode 257

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Discover the secrets to maintaining both a successful business and a thriving marriage with Couplepreneurs founders Kyle and Ariel Tresch.

On the heels of National Divorce Day, we're talking about how to foster unity, respect differences, and collaborate effectively to create a legacy of love and achievement.

We discuss maintaining a clear and heartfelt dialogue with your significant other amidst the demands of entrepreneurship.  And, we cover creating a sanctuary at home, where you can transition into your most authentic selves, fostering a supportive and understanding environment.

Please accept our invitation to the 2nd Annual Couplepreneur Live event, a space designed to ignite growth and magic for entrepreneurial couples. Don't miss out on this chance to transform not just your business, but the very fabric of your relationship. Learn more here --> https://www.kyleandariel.com/cplive

Learn more about our community for committed couples who want to elevate their relational skillsets and get weekly creative date ideas here --> https://monicatanner.com/club

Speaker 1:

Because when we are unified in our purpose and we respect the differences and collaborate together to create whatever dream we want to create, that is the advantage of working together with your significant other.

Speaker 2:

Have you ever wondered what makes the difference between those couples who absolutely love to be together and the ones who merely tolerate each other in their old age? Hi, I'm Monica Tanner, wife to a super hunky man, mom to four kids, relationship coach and intimacy expert. My goal with this podcast is to help you and your partner swap resentment for romance, escape the roommate rut and nurture a bond built on trust, communication and unconditional love. Each week, I'm sharing the secret strategies that keep couples madly in love, dedicated and downright giddy about each other, from the honeymoon phase to the golden years. I'm on a mission to crack the code of happily ever after, and I'm sharing those juicy secrets right here, because an awesome marriage makes life so much sweeter. Let's get to it.

Speaker 2:

Hello and welcome to the secrets of happily ever after podcast.

Speaker 2:

I'm your host, monica Tanner, and I'm so excited to be back with two of my favorite guests, kyle and Ariel Trash. They are husband and wife, digital marketing consultants and founders of couplepreneurs, a coaching company dedicated to helping entrepreneur couples grow their businesses without growing apart. Kyle and Ariel have helped their clients generate over $77 million online while working alongside each other for 11 years. Hooray, I'm sure you can figure out why I love talking to these guys and I'm so excited to have them on the podcast today to talk about something that's actually really. It's real but also hard to think about, which is the fact that right now is kind of the highest levels of divorce after the Christmas holidays, after New Year's, couples who are in extreme turmoil are now contacting their lawyers, their coaches, their counselors and talking about the real possibility of divorce. I think that it's something that we should address and talk about, especially when you're working with your spouse, or one of you or both of you is an entrepreneur and high levels of stress are a constant in your relationship.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely. And first of all, monica, so great to be back on your show. I know so many people who listen to this may just hear something that changes the trajectory of their relationship forever, especially given the times in which we live in. Like you said, we're talking right after the National Divorce Day like we didn't even know it was a thing. But what we can see all around us is just how strained marriages are these days by the stresses, the financial pressures and, in our case, with the clients we work with, couples who do business together are even more open to the threats and even more vulnerable to the raising divorce rates. So we're so happy we're having this conversation today because we want to be a part of the change, to reverse that trend and show people that you actually can have a thriving marriage in today's society.

Speaker 2:

It's so true, and I want to tee up this episode too, like, like, because you guys are have an event coming up and I'm so excited to be able to be a part of it and the whole Otis. I know I'm going to let you guys talk about it, but behind the event is to help entrepreneur couples who work together create better systems and ways to be able to make their impact in the world without, like, destroying their marriage and their relationship, and I know all of us feel so strongly about that. So talk about Couplepreneur, live for a little bit and, like you know, that'll give us a great insight into what you do.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I'll let you take that actually.

Speaker 1:

Well, yeah, I mean for Ariel and I. We did not grow up in picture perfect households with picture perfect marriages, so I can say that obviously we learned a lot of great things from our parents, but one of the things that we learned, actually by doing what they didn't do, is how to have an actual thriving relationship throughout over a decade at this point. But it wasn't always easy. There was a lot of things that showed up in our life that made the businesses that we ran a little difficult sometimes. Maybe. Some of us were experiencing times in our life where we could not decide who whose responsibility it is to do the dishes versus focusing on our business. We didn't know how to handle conflict in the most mature way possible because we didn't see it modeled in the best way possible, and we actually struggled a lot, especially after we got married, with figuring out how do you actually balance being two driven entrepreneurs in one relationship, and at the time there really wasn't anywhere we can turn to. There weren't conferences, there weren't events, there weren't communities that we could plug into of other entrepreneur couples who knew what we were going through. So we felt very, very alone and we didn't really know where to turn to. We couldn't turn to our parents. We couldn't turn to our the kids we grew up with in school, like we had just each other and God.

Speaker 1:

But thankfully, just pursuing the calling that God put on our heart, both to entrepreneurship and to each other, we eventually figured some things out where, all of a sudden, instead of fighting with each other, we started becoming each other's biggest fans. We started adapting new approaches. Just that worked for us, that allowed us to go from feeling a lot of tension, a lot of resentment, a lack of intimacy, to, all of a sudden, like reconnecting in a way that we've never felt before. And you know what happened? When we were going through that, that whole period of the anti-honey moon phase that I call it, our income was like completely plateaued. But when we started figuring out how to actually care for one another and respect each other's differences and take our individual passions, pointing them towards a unified purpose, that's when everything changed and our income just completely shot through the roof.

Speaker 1:

So for us, we kind of discovered early on that there's this magic of working with your spouse that neither one of us experienced in our own solopreneur career. So what happened was is we were figuring this stuff out. We went through a lot of pain to do so and we started going on date nights. We started posting photos and videos online and, all of a sudden, people started reaching out to us asking us, like, kyle and Ariel, like what do you guys do? Like how do you possibly make it work being two entrepreneurs? Like I would kill my spouse. You know, I'm sure you've heard that before, right, monica.

Speaker 2:

Like people say, that I've experienced that before Exactly, and you're still moving on me.

Speaker 1:

That goes great, I was치z, but we just we weren't thinking anything of it. But looking back, we realized that God was preparing us with the wisdom we needed to share with more people. So fast forward. Years later, we not only have a coaching program that helps other entrepreneur couples grow and scale businesses together, we also have these live in person events that create the environment for other entrepreneur couples to have a place full of people that get them, that understand them, that understand the dynamics and the complex, compounding craziness and chaos that can happen when you both are entrepreneurs.

Speaker 1:

But here's the beauty of it when you get yourself in the room of other amazing, driven couples, what happens is is your own belief of what is possible completely shifts.

Speaker 1:

Like Monica, you've been into an environment before where you walk into an event and you feel like all of a sudden, you could do anything. Right, yeah, oh yeah. That's the environment that we create for other entrepreneur couples. So, if there are, if there is anybody listening to this who maybe you have a business with your spouse, maybe you're thinking about starting a business with your spouse and you are trying to figure out how to navigate like who does what? How do we make sure that one person isn't stepping on the other person's toes. How to make sure we still have romance mode even while we're working all the time. How to know how to grow your business in such a way that doesn't sacrifice what matters most. If those questions are in your mind, we would love to come alongside you and support you when you decide to come to our event. So that's why we do the event, monica, and we also have a pretty amazing speaker, I'm not gonna lie.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

What do you?

Speaker 2:

think yeah absolutely.

Speaker 2:

I love how you talked about that and why I'm such a huge supporter of what you do is because 22 years ago, my husband and I started a business together and we didn't know anyone that had a business with their spouse.

Speaker 2:

Right, it was like we were totally forging this new like we were newly married, we had a son.

Speaker 2:

Like I remember I would go and work at the mall and my husband would watch our two-year-old while he's like starting the business and I'm like, dude, I am so overeducated to be working in retail, but I like I just was trying to like do something to bring in a little bit of income so that he could like figure out the overhead of the business and all the things.

Speaker 2:

Right, it's like the crazy things that we went through but we did not have anyone to talk, like, bounce ideas off of or like going through the same thing we were going through, or like we didn't have it modeled. So it was like such a massive, massive and painful at times learning curve, right. And so what I love about you guys is like here you have a couple of people in your life. You're gonna collapse time for people. You're gonna give them a space where there's lots of people going through a lot of the same things they're going through and it's just like there's just strengthened numbers right. It's just absolutely such a great. I'm so excited to be a part of it.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, we're so excited to have you and you know, for anybody who is listening, it is happening February 1st and 2nd of 2024 in South Florida. So also, if you want to come to South Florida in February, it's going to be a good time and we know Monica is going to have so much wisdom to share, and she always does.

Speaker 2:

It's going to be so much warmer than Boise, for sure.

Speaker 1:

Oh my gosh. Yeah, huge work, yeah, so in case you haven't made it clear, monica is speaking.

Speaker 3:

Yes so.

Speaker 2:

Monica is going to be sharing her wisdom from this stage.

Speaker 1:

So you're going to be. If you do decide to come, you'll be surrounded by people who don't just tolerate you but who actually self-elaborate you Other entrepreneur couples who understand where you are, but also couples who own multi-million dollar businesses, who do so in a way that actually keeps their relationship hot and thriving and on fire. Those are the elbows that you're going to be rubbing up against when you come to this event. Plus, you get to hear from Monica. How cool is that?

Speaker 2:

Well, I love it. I love it. So, yes, definitely, if you have questions, I mean we're going to link where to get tickets, how to get tickets, like all the important information that you need to know about Couple Porn of Life. I definitely am inviting you personally to come and experience this because it's going to be such a great event. I'm so, so, so excited, but let's like, hold on, mike's definitely going to edit that out. So, absolutely so, I'm so excited.

Speaker 2:

But one of the reasons why I think this is such an important event is because the stress that you have just as a married couple, as parents which a lot of entrepreneurs are and then as entrepreneurs, whether you're working together in the business, whether one of you owns a business and the other one is supporting in some way or another, or both of you have separate businesses there's so much stress because none of these roles stop at any point, right, yeah, I mean it's so incredible to think about, like you know, back in the day, when there were more employees, it's like you went to work, you didn't carry the brunt of what happened.

Speaker 2:

Nobody was like the buck stops here. It was like you go to work, you give it a good day's effort and then you come home. But as entrepreneurs, we don't have that luxury. Like, the weight of the business is always on us, whether we're with our kids, whether on vacation, it doesn't matter. Like the business, like the buck stops here, the weight of the business, the responsibility for all of your employees and all of your customers is, like, always on you. So let's talk about like what kind of a strain and maybe let's talk about some ways that we can alleviate some of that pressure on couples who are, you know, striving to build a business and make an impact and, like, do amazing things but also have a family and, like, have a life and create a beautiful romance with their sweetheart.

Speaker 3:

Yeah. So I want to kind of highlight one of the things that you said is you know when it when, when you're an entrepreneur, the weight of so much is on you, because not only do you have your own roles that you're operating in right your business owner, your wife, your husband, your mom, dad, you know whatever it is you have those roles, but literally the definition of being an entrepreneur is to solve problems, and most of the time is to solve problems that you didn't even create. So you're trying to solve problems for your customers and for your team and for all these different people. And so I think sometimes we carry so much weight to solve everything for everybody around us, and we oftentimes even carry that into our own relationship where, instead of showing up as you know, the wife or the husband, we show up as the business owner or the problem solver who's just trying to fix everything all the time, rather than connect on a more vulnerable, intimate level with our partner, If that makes sense what I'm saying definitely does.

Speaker 1:

So what would you say, ariel? Because this is something that you're you're pretty wise at Like. How would you say? How would you suggest to take the pressure off?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, so some of the things that we've done specifically is really learning how to kind of put on the different hats and admittedly this is something that we're always working at and getting better at, because it's easier said than done but learning how to, you know, put on business hat or put on romance hat, so to speak.

Speaker 3:

You know, we like to say like how to shift from work mode into romance mode very, very quickly and to be able to wear those different hats without carrying work problems into your personal life and into your relationship. Because if you are, you know, if you work with a team, you have your problems with your team members, but you don't necessarily I mean, sometimes you do, but you don't necessarily bring those home to your spouse, right? So we have to learn how to like treat business as business but then also be able to treat our personal relationship in a way that, even if something happened that day in the business that we didn't necessarily like, we can kind of treat that as that goes into business zone and we'll take care of that tomorrow, but today I'm a wife or today I'm a husband.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and one thing I would add to that is if you're listening to this and you are an entrepreneur, there is a more than likely chance that you have such a high standard for yourself that so much of that pressure that you live under could be self-imposed.

Speaker 1:

And I think for a lot of people, if we just gave ourselves a little bit of credit for how far we came, the struggles that we've overcome, the things that we were able to accomplish to get to this point, if we just gave ourselves just a tiny bit of credit for that, it could be possible that the pressure starts to subside a little bit. And I know that many people listening to this podcast are ambitious and motivated and driven to do great things, and usually those are the people who have such a high standard for themselves that most of the pressure they feel is secretly self-imposed. The beauty is is that when you are on this journey with your spouse, on becoming the next best version of yourself, you and your spouse have the opportunity to call out in one another the amazing aspects of each other that encourage one another to take the pressure off of themselves.

Speaker 2:

How you taking the intimacy level quiz. Yet, if not, you absolutely should. All you have to do is go to monnecatannercom backslash quiz and take a three minute quiz. At the end, I'll tell you what level of intimacy you and your spouse are at and I'll give you next steps to be able to increase your intimacy. Regardless of what level you're at, you can always make improvements. So do yourself a favor and go to monnecatannercom backslash quiz and learn about your level of intimacy and how to improve it.

Speaker 2:

Oh good, so important and definitely going back to kind of what Ariel, you were bringing out, as you know, as an entrepreneur, somebody who's so driven, and you're solving problems that you didn't necessarily create.

Speaker 2:

Just an aspect of that that I think is worth pointing out is there are different skill sets that are going to create a lot of success for you in the world, in your business, for your clients, and solving problems that are not necessarily going to translate into your interpersonal romantic relationship, and one of those is the ability to problem solve.

Speaker 2:

Now, problem solving is important in your marriage.

Speaker 2:

I'm not saying that, but the way in which you solve problems is very different, and so learning those, learning those nuances, is going to be something that I'm excited to bring into a couple of things as well, and the reason why I'm going to say this as a entrepreneur, live right is because you know, when you're out there solving problems that you didn't necessarily create for your clients, for your team, for your business, you know, you're used to like all right, you know here's what's happening, this is what's causing the chaos or the inconsistency or whatever.

Speaker 2:

So let's put an end to got children and pets and all the different things that cause chaos at home. And it's not necessarily like you want to come home and get rid of the things that are causing the chaos, like you can't just get rid of your children, you can't just give away the dog, right, it's like a different skill set to be able to be there and be present with the chaos and learn to appreciate it and not necessarily want to make the problems go away, and so that's really kind of one of the biggest nuances is how the world kind of rewards this certain skill set that it takes to be a driven, successful entrepreneur versus, you know, like what I call like a family man or a family girl. Right, like you're, you're at home and you've got all these problems all around you and they're not necessarily problems to be solved.

Speaker 3:

Yes, yeah, I love how you use the word skill set, because I think that's one of the things that, even admittedly, for us in the earlier days and like we were like we had such a great relationship prior to. You know, like we, we, he he said the anti honeymoon earlier. We had an amazing relationship. We didn't fight very often, it was so smooth sailing. And then we got married and like right after our wedding, we had what we call the anti honeymoon.

Speaker 3:

We jumped back into our businesses and we experienced that tension for the first time and I remember thinking at that time like this should be easier. Why is this so hard? We've always gotten along so well, we've had this amazing relationship and we're entrepreneurs, we're growth driven, we're able to do like we're able to do some big, amazing things. So it just felt like it should be easier. But, like the way that you use the word skill set, it's like it's something to learn, it's something to adapt and it's something to strengthen, just as you would strengthen a muscle. Is that ability to I think you said like kind of be present in the chaos and not necessarily just need to subside it immediately, right?

Speaker 2:

Right, yeah, because problems at home a lot of times are not problems to be solved, right, it's just like family life is messy, like it's a laboratory for learning how to relate to others, and so there are going to be challenges. That the goal is not necessarily to streamline the process or to. I mean there are, like definitely think there's processes at home that are good to create systems around, right, but you know, your kid throwing up in the middle of the night is not like a streamline this process. It's like can I be here, can I be present, can I be vulnerable and like take care of another human being and like be present with another human being who's having big emotions, like that is a different skill set than being able to, you know, get your team to be as efficient as possible working on the different things that you face in your business. So it is important to recognize that you do need to learn a different set of skill sets to be relational inside your family versus out in the world. Yeah, agreed, 100%.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we even have something called well work mode versus romance mode and that's kind of like a cue to us to change that way that we relate to each other, Because in work mode.

Speaker 1:

I mean, we all know if you're heavy into your to-do list and you're just checking off the boxes, it can turn into very transactional language pretty quickly. And when you work with your significant other, that transactional language can sometimes come across as critical or condemning or cold, even if you don't mean it that way. So there is a different way that I would communicate to Ariel, my wife, versus the way I may communicate to Ariel, my business partner. And we had to really learn like the different nuances of how to do that communication. Because before we learned how to communicate that way, oh my gosh, it would create a lot of stress when for me, what might have seen like a simple, like complete non, you know, like something that I may say that wasn't meant to harm in any single way, may have been taken as criticism from Ariel.

Speaker 1:

And like I had to learn, okay, if I'm going to give like feedback, I need to do it in a very specific way. And when I am listening to maybe my wife speak to me after work is over about maybe something she's going through, she doesn't always need a solution right away. Like I'm one of those people that like, if you tell me anything, I just want, like you can talk to me for 10 seconds and I'll have like three steps you can take to solve that problem. And sometimes you know, it's really taking time to learn that, whether it's me talking or you talking, we're not always looking for solutions to problems. Sometimes we're just looking to communicate with our partner.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's that vulnerability that creates the intimacy, right. And if you think about it like you don't I mean, unless you're working with your partner in an entrepreneurial setting like this, right, you don't necessarily want to jump into bed with your business partner. Right, you have trans or your clients. You have transactional interactions with them that are very, very important in that setting right, but at home, you want to have vulnerable, like intimate interactions with your spouse. So, yeah, definitely you hit on it the transactionalness of business versus the intimacy of your romantic relationships.

Speaker 1:

Exactly, Exactly and you know, for anyone that's listening, that maybe isn't entrepreneurial like we are, maybe it's just you know you're in a relationship that you're looking to grow with your spouse, it still bears paying attention to how you speak to one another and really treating the time that you have together as sacred, where you do open up and you are vulnerable with one another.

Speaker 1:

You are free to speak your mind and to make requests and to share openly whatever it is on your heart, because that is something that we've learned both in the business world as well as just being a couple for so long. Man, if you don't take the time to truly express what you honestly feel, that's stuff that you don't express stays repressed and that stuff that you repress will turn into problems in the future. So I just want to encourage everybody like the reason why people say communication, or the lack thereof, is one of the biggest leading indicators of divorce is because it's something that is not practiced that often. But if we all want to reverse this crazy trend of this time of the year being divorce day, I think it starts with just simple communication and working on that as a couple.

Speaker 2:

Oh good, so good. And as we were talking, I was thinking about one way I like to describe this to my clients, my students, whoever is listening is it's a really stark contrast. So if you can create that contrast for yourself, and the way I like to think about it, is an old TV show that I used to watch growing up called Mr Rogers Neighborhood, and so Fred Rogers, he's the lead, but the way they set it up is that he comes onto the set, which is a home, and he takes off his blazer and he puts on his house sweater and he takes off his loafers and he puts on his slippers. He's getting more comfortable. It's a different stance that he's taking. It's a different identity that he's taking on. He's coming into the house to be more relational with the people who are closest to him.

Speaker 2:

And I think that a major pitfall or trap that couples fall into is they don't take the time to transition from who I am outside of the house to who I am inside of the house and creating that really safe, sacred, beautiful place where we can be ourselves, where we can take off the armor that we put on during the day and just be more vulnerable, be more loving, be more patient.

Speaker 2:

Family life just requires more of us.

Speaker 2:

But also it's kind of like a safe haven for us too, a place of replenishment where you know you can kind of expect that you know unconditional kind of love and support that we all really really long for it.

Speaker 2:

That's that connection, just taking off the transactional, you know kind of facade that we all have to kind of live under to be able to survive the things of the world and be able to come into. You know, like our homes should be heaven on earth, right, I'm taking that from a song that I sung growing up, right? But how can we make our home heaven on earth where we just, we just love, we just accept, we give each other the benefit of the doubt, we don't have to hold those hard stances? You know, one of the things I like to say is harshness is the enemy of connection and love. So sometimes we have to put on a bit of harshness to survive out in the real world where you know people are harsh and hard, and when we come home can we take that heart off and have more love for our family?

Speaker 1:

I love that so much because it's so practical and, Monica, you actually shared this on our podcast as well, which we absolutely loved and everybody listening. If you haven't heard that yet, oh my gosh, make sure you subscribe to the couple for doors show and listen to that episode, because it is. It is amazing when it comes out. So, depending on what you're listening to, this, but the practical wisdom and being able to sometimes literally change your own appearance, your own shirt, for example, like if Ariel and I are or know that we have a date night at 6pm on Wednesday, we will purposely change our clothes from whatever we were operating in all day. We'll create a whole new outfit. We'll wear that new outfit and it just snaps our mind out of work mode and into romance mode because there's no way Ariel would wear, I think, the types of dresses that you wear on date night. I mean where it works.

Speaker 2:

Maybe if the blazers are over it. Take the blazer.

Speaker 1:

A little bit of a blazer and vice versa. We also teach this to our clients, something that we call nostalgic transitions, which is something that has been really helpful for me. You know, if you are so focused on work during the day, sometimes even if you change your clothes, your mind can still be in work mode when you're sitting across your spouse at the dinner table trying to pay attention to them. So something that I learned, that I've adopted from Tony Robbins and kind of like innovated a little bit, is something called nostalgic transitions, where, in order to get my mind and my heart ready to go on a date and be present with my wife, I will go through my phone and I will look at videos from our wedding day or any other videos that we have taken together during these times where we felt so romantically connected, and I will physically relive and visualize those moments.

Speaker 1:

And when I learned from Tony Robbins is what your mind visualizes. Your subconscious doesn't know the difference between what you visualize and what is reality, and the fact is is that we are feeding it with real evidence of what has happened in the past, of times that we felt so alive and so in love. And to me as somebody who doesn't feel that feeling like just automatically. I can't just turn it on, taking the time about 30 minutes prior to our date night to just relive these moments. It completely changes my neurobiology and I feel so much more open and loving and connected to area when we go on our date night.

Speaker 2:

Okay, I love that so much. Like you're basically describing like I can see all the different contexts in which that is so valuable. I mean, we have a lot of athletes in our home, right, my kids play a lot of sports and we're always telling them, like the best athletes play their highlight reel before they go on the field. Right, like they become that person. It's different than when you're, you know, not on the, on the failure, on the court or whatever, right, and it's the same.

Speaker 2:

I love that application for your marriage as well, because it's like, yeah, most women and I'm just we're just going to use like the general stereotype here are responsive desire, and so it's hard to go from like washing the dishes and you know cleaning up, throw up, or you know looking at the spreadsheet for our bills, into like oh, I just I just want to gaze into my, my husband's eyes and just like take his clothes off and like all of these things, right, but you can utilize that, that game tape, as all, all, all call it why did you call it nostalgic transition? Right, like the game tape of like your last vacation or your last really great sexual encounter or something like that. Play your highlight reel and put yourself in that same state so that you're ready for that connection. I love that so much.

Speaker 3:

Absolutely yeah, and it's so funny because I do something very similar Like I'll look at, you know, videos or photos on my phone. You know, I just saw it on our phone. It's very convenient, but I can always tell a difference whether Kyle did that or not.

Speaker 1:

You're like, did you?

Speaker 3:

play your game tape, because, like, there's just, there's just a difference right, and this is something that I don't feel like a lot of people talk about.

Speaker 3:

When we're talking about, like entrepreneurs and you know, being an entrepreneurial couple is there's a difference between, like you know you kind of mentioned it earlier just go on date night and just go do these really tactical, practical things and they're great and absolutely go on a date night once a week, do all the things. But there's still a difference energetically sometimes that even if we're doing the thing, we're checking the box, we're still not really there energetically. We're not really in that romantic space, we're still kind of our brain is operating elsewhere or we're still solving problems, or we're still in this, like as you said earlier, kind of harsh, rigid energy versus being in a much more connected, you know, as you would say, vulnerable energy, and so that's something that we've both really had to develop and you know we still, of course, still work at it, but but nostalgia transitions has been very, very helpful and we can tell a difference if we don't do it.

Speaker 2:

I am so excited. I feel like that. That is like, if you get nothing else from this podcast episode, that is so important and we can call it nostalgic transitions. I love that we're playing the game tape. It's just a little more related, relatable to me, like right, get yourself in flow by playing the game tape of what you're, what you're about to do. Right, if you're going into a romantic dinner, you better get yourself in that romantic state by playing that game tape. Like, oh, so good. Okay, I love that so much. So I just want to be really mindful of time.

Speaker 2:

So why don't you give us, if you had the undivided attention of all the couples, pernoors in all the world for just a few minutes, like what is like one piece of advice that you would give them that would keep them kind of in the game, like, and I think, like, really, what we've been talking about here is like, if you find yourself, you know, feeling those feelings of either really transactional interactions or you're feeling like roommates or business partners more than romantic partners. If you're just kind of in that, what did you call it? The inverse honeymoon? What did you call that? Oh, the anti-honeymoon. The anti-honeymoon. If you're feeling in any stage of that anti-honeymoon period.

Speaker 2:

What would you tell these couples? How do we, you know, kind of ignite the passion again, re-ignite the flame, like kind of get back into flow so that we can and I truly do think we started the episode talking about this that when you're on the same page as a couple, like when you're jiving romantically at home, like there is absolutely no limits to what you can achieve in your business and out in the world, when you're like unified and solidified and like on the same page, I love it so much. So if couples are listening to this and they're like man, yeah, definitely running a business, putting a strain on all the things, how do they shift gears?

Speaker 3:

I'm going to give that to you first.

Speaker 1:

The first thing I would say is there's a reason why what is happening is happening in your life, and I don't say that from a place of saying you caused it. I'm actually saying it from the complete opposite. I believe that God is setting up your relationship to teach you lessons, to grow you closer to one another, to actually define a purpose that both you and your partner can walk into, that doesn't sacrifice your uniqueness for the sake of unity. So what I mean by that is when Ariel and I were going through this anti-honey moon phase, I thought the solution at that time was to just have her become my assistant in my business, and what I quickly realized was that if I was going to take Ariel and her entrepreneurial giftedness and every good thing that makes her her, and just put her under a bushel, so to speak, and have her be my assistant, that I would actually be depriving the world from the impact that she is here to make.

Speaker 1:

The reality is is like the. There's a reason why you and your spouse are different. You are. The things that may drive you nuts about your spouse are actually gifts that can be collaborated with you to accomplish something that neither one of you could do on your own. And that was what we discovered.

Speaker 1:

I remember being in a guest, remember how it's praying out to God, looking for an answer as to how in the world we can make it work without having to sacrifice our business for our marriage or our marriage for our business. And, thank God, he showed me how to make it work. He showed me how to create a third path where divorce was not an option and giving up or calling in business was not an option. Why? Because we finally got to a place where we acknowledged our differences as the gifts that they are, and we asked ourselves this one question how can we take our individual passions and point them towards a unified purpose? Because when we are unified in our purpose and we respect the differences and collaborate together to create whatever dream we want to create, that is the advantage of working together with your significant other.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so beautifully said.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 3:

So I think, in addition, like the one thing that I would just add to that is, we were actually talking to one of our clients, a couple, earlier today, and one of the things that they said that just stuck out to me was you know, especially as we're talking about entrepreneurial couples, even the state of the world with the amount of stress and chaos and just anxiety and things that are happening in today's day and age.

Speaker 3:

One of the things that the husband said was you know, when my wife is under a lot of stress, it's always about what I'm not doing versus what I am doing, and so he was taught and again, this was actually in response to her like complimenting him and sharing something that he was doing really well, and he's like wow, like thank you for saying that, because when, when I know you're under a lot of stress, it usually comes out differently right, it comes out in what I'm not doing, it comes out in my shortcomings, it comes out in those ways, and so I think, not only being able to recognize the differences between the two, but just asking yourself when's the last time that you actually looked at the things that your partner is doing right versus just the things that they're doing wrong.

Speaker 3:

And I think sometimes again, with just so much happening around us and being problem solvers, we're always looking for the problem to solve rather than the the the thing that's right in front of us that brings so much value to us, to our business, to our family and so many different ways. So just maybe asking yourself, when's the last time you actually looked at what they're doing right and told them those things? It goes a long way and, especially as we're talking about, you know, divorce day and all of those things, I think that's how couples actually start to grow apart is, you know, they're not unified in their direction of life, they're not growing in the same direction and they're constantly driving a wedge further and further between them by just looking at what the other person is doing wrong. And when we can be unified in our purpose and be unified in the direction and acknowledge each other for the role that each of us has to play along the way, then that is what actually grows you together versus apart.

Speaker 2:

Exclamation points end of sentence mic drop. So just really valuable. You guys are amazing. You guys are amazing. You've learned a lot of really, really, really incredible lessons, and I think that really is the point of having the opportunity to work together and to profit I would say not monetarily, but profit from each other's gifts is to really be able to embrace the differences.

Speaker 2:

You married your person for a reason I'm like really getting into this idea of the mysticism of marriage Like you married your opposite, you married your unfinished business. You basically hired your partner to trigger all of those wounds that you, that you carry, in order to be able to heal them. Not that your partner is going to heal you, but that your relationship with your partner is perfectly, perfectly designed to heal and to grow and to develop you in the way that we're all just really spiritual entrepreneurs here, in the way that God intended. So thank you guys for your time. If you haven't gotten your tickets to a couple preneur live yet, make sure you check out the link in these show notes so that you could at least, at the very least, learn about what's happening there and make a really educated decision about whether or not you need to be in that room Because I guarantee magic is going to happen there. So thanks, kyle and Arielle. Let everybody know. Why don't you just give us the link so we have it and tell us where people can find you?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, so in terms of people just connecting with us, we're on. Instagram is probably the best place, so instagramcom slash couple preneurs. We also have a Facebook group called successful couples in business. So if you go on Facebook, you just search in the Facebook group bar successful couples in business. We should be the first ones to pop up and then for the event. If you are interested in joining us in South Florida February 1st and 2nd of 2024, that is, go to wwwkyleandariellecom slash Cp live. Cp live stands for couple preneurs live. That's where you'll find all the information for the event. You'll see Monica on that page because she's going to be speaking and we are so excited to see everyone joining us in Florida.

Speaker 2:

If you had as much fun as we did just now, I hope that you'll head over to your favorite podcast player and leave a rating and review for the show or share it on social media. That's how other people can find this awesome content and we can spread the message that happily ever after is possible. Feel free to check out my website, monnecatannercom to find out more ways you can work with me and, as always, thank you so much for spending this time with me. We'll see you next week.